I don't wanna interrogate you, but even more than that, I don't want to lose you as a friend. You're too dear a friend. Too dear.

It's like we have all shed off part of our past and have put on a new mask. Including me maybe. Or have we all broken out of our shells, and are becoming who we are?

Who am I? God's child. And you are God's precious girl too.

I don't want to do nothing. Serene told me once that while you're holding on to God, take comfort in that God is also holding on to you. Even in the fog, even if you are no longer holding on, even in the depths of despair, God is holding on. And I wanna go and stand with you where you are, in the fog or whatever.

Space. Fine then. So silly of me.

Count thy blessings, see what God had done. (:

It really has been such a blessed year, by God's grace and love and mercies. Been blessed so richly with church friends that I can trust, friends that I can trust my life with. And school friends that always bring a smile to my face. And of course, countless new and re-new experiences that have helped me to grow as a person, to grow spiritually and to grow closer in relationships.

I feel like I've really grown since Sec 1, when I was still quiet and insecure about where I belonged. But I guess back then the Lord would whisper to me new insights into things that most do not see. Now I need to be careful about what I think and say. I used to have such great difficulty trusting the Lord, but now I know what it means to trust Him. To just do your best and let Him smooth out the knacks and knots, to let go. I guess Youth Camp 2010 was a huge milestone, cos it taught me to lean on Him for everything, for all my secret fears, and taught me humility. And after that, I became more confident about serving Him and speaking in front of a small crowd. I'm not afraid of going up on stage to announce Birthdays anymore. (: (But being enthu and interactive and saying prayers is another story) And Church Camp 2011 taught me how to live life radically, and inspired me to try and strengthen the bond with my family.

Youth Camp this year was just so awesome. God really gave me a whole lot of physical and mental strength in abundance so that I would be able to last through the whole camp. Heh I kinda forgot to jio Bev to help me with the cordial and stuff since I figured one person would be enough. And I didn't want to jio Gabby cos she's group leader. But really, through this camp I forged a friendship with Rei Hrn, haha he's a bro to me now. And I got closer to Abbie too, cos she's always helping me with stuff and then after clearing up we'll go brush teeth together haha. Showering was with different people each time haha. And I got closer to Jasmine too, cos she's another one who always was there with a helping hand, especially in getting the meals! Dom yeo too, now I don't feel awkward talking to him, after going out to get meals and getting teased as a handicapped and all those hilarious debriefs at 12.30 to 2.

And I think for Finale Night all of us really worked like super hard, helping to direct the parents, set up the dinner table, move the dinner table, get the youths to help, set up the sound system AND prepare for each group dance item. Haha I seriously just followed Ivan and picked up on the spot! And RAWR I should have just added Abbie into the main comm page. :(

I think God has been really using me as a tool to touch others. And I love that He is, just like how I badly wanted Him to. Like woah, I've never had such a long msg convo with Elijah before. And I never thought that Rei Hrn and I would become so close. And despite being totally inexperienced in Logs comm and not knowing how to delegate work and being super behind time, everything went smoothly. God showed me how to do things like doing up the booklet (though it wasn't colorful) and ordering shirts and fitting a 2 month schedule into 3 weeks. Haha. And I don't know if its true or not, but in some cards I received it seems that God has been using me to touch others. Haha but all the running around camp was at the expense of spending time with my group, so sorry Angie! Worship was just awesome, with Deon and Jasmine and Jojo and Abbie and Ivan and all the new ones! Like woohoo, new worship comm members! Oh and Shannon and Cherie want to become ushers too, so woohoo new ushers! See if I can jio them into birthdays too haha!

And Christmas has been great this year. Candlelight with the youths and service after that. Haha once again we couldn't stand with the other young adults or have service with them. Lessons and Carols was the bomb as always. The ensemble was, to quote Jasmine, sounding like a soundtrack, that's how awesome it was. And the choir was ending on a high note for every single song, how do they do that for the whole service?! And next year the youths really should all come to church at 8.30 and chope front seats like in 2008. Cool stuff yo. Haha played Uno Intercept and Boggle Slam with Danielle, Daniel, Gary, Bev, Jasmine, Kane, ZhenHao and XiaoWen while Doms, Bens, Justin, Gabby, Serene, Abbie, Dhinesh, Deon were playing L4D2. Haha Serene's mind has been reprogrammed for L4D haha.

Kaykays, now it is 3.12am and I'm hungry. Haha. And I really don't want to do work. :( Still in the church mood haha. If only work didn't require you to bring work back home, like homework. Blegh. I'll just do what I can... :) Good night, and God bless you all! :D <3!

Shall give a short one now, need to go sleep. Day 1 was tiring, rushing all over to make sure everything is flowing well. Haha I forgot about cordial at lunch! Only remembered at the last 20 min. Games was good! Haha Dom's really funny. And I have really slow reactions, keep getting splashed by Seby in Wet Dog and Bone. At night we had workshop, and one of the twins suggested getting them to do as many pushups as possible as a distraction. Haha. Oh at night, after debrief at 2am, we could see the whole Orion constellation! I was with Abby on the way back from brushing teeth when we saw it. It was amazing. And the day was worth it. God of Wonders!!!

Danielle told me that she hopes that God will touch me in this experience of being a comm head at camp. I don't know about it, but every worship, I've been crying. Especially the last one today. I just wanted to break down, but not out of tiredness or stress or anything. Just like that. And worship was good. Love like FIRE!!!! :D