Our Generation

2012-01-24T03:03:00.002+08:00

Waiting for a reply I have a feeling will not come.

If people were rain,......
I was drizzle and you a hurricane.

I love the night time. Alone yet not lonely.
And I love listening to worship songs when I'm alone. (: Then I can go high. :D

2012-01-22T00:44:00.002+08:00

There isn't a girl out there who doesn't want to fall in love.

Sometimes the way you say goodbye makes me feel so lonely. It's so casual, it takes for granted so many things. That we would be able to see each other again, that we will live through the day, that I have other friends to go out with, that I don't feel left behind. But I know that you have better friends, friends you would much rather be with. So I have to be contented with second place. MJ is pretty lonely for me.

And to my other friend, I still have no idea how close our friendship is. I am really glad to see you, really, but I'm just not good at conversations. I'm sorry about that. We are both such closed-up people. We need to have a heart-to-heart talk. How close am I to you and how close are you to me? As close as a really good friend or just, friends? It makes me hesitate. And all the while time is running out.

On another note, it's Sunday. :D

Wouldn't be able to sing properly though. :(

I miss my churchies so much. :'( Don't ever leave me.

Love Like Fire.

2012-01-16T22:22:00.000+08:00

Flames go up, walls come down.

First Week of School

2012-01-13T17:24:00.002+08:00

Sigh finally over. It's been a crazy week, handling overdue homework (heh), staying back to build the Leap of Faith (how humble yet towering it is (: ), Open House and recovering from the fatigue of Open House.

But I'm glad. :) Glad that I've had integrity to myself. Glad of my daily prayer to God.

Mrs Tan told me that she was disappointed. I told Mrs Tan that I couldn't handle all the homework because I was handling youth camp. Well, I did study in the first week, then Youth camp logs the next week, Youth camp in the 3rd week, overseas in the 4th and homework in the 5th. She said she understands, and I know that she does. But she also said that if I choose to walk down this path, there will be consequences. And I know that. I know that. But it's time to step up and choose. And I choose to follow God. If He leads me on the path of heavily serving in ministry, sure. If He leads me to focus on studies, sure. If He leads me to balance both, sure. I want to follow Him.

Last week, Thaddaeus was saying on Fb that he was scared of going on stage. So I said that no need to fear, just trust God. Haha so on last Sun, Ben and Abbie came to me, "So, not scared of going on stage already ah? Woah, someone say just trust God..." Haha oops. But it's true. I'm still scared, but I know now. Just trust God. (:

Ya' know, I'm really thankful for Abbie. I only really got to know her when she was J2, when she took over Congre Care. And from our mere Subcomm Head - Subcomm member relationship, we've come pretty far. Through discussing about Congre Care, then going out for lunch, then our Os and As, Church camp, and the most significant of all, Youth Camp, we've become quite close. Haha I wonder what happened during Youth camp, it just made us closer than before. Haha saikang-ing together, supporting each other during planning, staying up together for debriefs, just being together. I feel bad that I haven't been spending time with Jonas, but too often I forget. Sigh. I like talking to Abbie, cos she's older and she's seen more of the world, and also cos she's like one of the most approachable friends I have. So considerate to others too, something I want to pick up. Haha too many things to describe. She really deserves someone to be her knight. And Jonas, Jonas deserves a real gentleman, a sensitive guy.

We are all growing up so fast. Too fast. So sad.

Tomorrow.

2012-01-09T00:05:00.002+08:00

School's gonna start. JC2.

Sigh. Kinda stuck in my clique. I need some alone time up at the gallery.

Hope the seating changes! But I like my seat! Or maybe not cos the teacher can see your work....

Nevermind, be the best you can be, where God has placed you! Cos God has placed you there for a reason. (: Be a Christian student and a student Christian! God's presence in every priority of our lives. Love like fire~ <3!

Passion 2012

2012-01-06T02:37:00.011+08:00

Now quite a few older youths have been going on about Passion 2012. I saw Danielle posting about it. So now, right now, I'm watching it, and I thought i should write some thing down so that i would remember.

Hebrews 10:34 "You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions."It says here about being dragged to prison, yet being joyful about it. Being joyful about being dragged out of your house that is being trashed, and going to prison. Why? Why?! To be a sacrifice of love. Knowing that going forward means receiving a crown in the future, in the Second Coming.

Another thing. He is the Giver. It's blasphemy to give to God, He doesn't need you! The Giver gets the glory, don't steal it from Him! Freely receive.

We don't make a decision to believe in Him. It is a gift from God.

Ephesians 6: 19. Move that to the top of your prayer list. Go. That when i open my mouth, God would give me words to fearlessly, fearlessly, proclaim the mystery of the Gospel. That is God's will for you. Not just all those questions that others ask, "What are you gonna do?" Brokenness is the bow that God uses to launch the arrows of healing. We are that arrow, God flame us up!

Who says Christian songs can't be in rap like those hip hop boys. 116 Clique has some courage there. :') I can play the background, i can play background, cos sometimes i get in the way, so won't you take the lead, won't you take the lead and i can play the background and You can take the LEAD.

i lay me down i'm not my own, i belong to you alone. lay me down, lay me down. woaaaaooow. hand on my heart this much is true, there's no life apart from you. lay me down, lay me down. | we lift the cross lift it high lift it high.

2012

2012-01-01T02:47:00.002+08:00

USHERING in 2012 later on during youth service will be Abbie and Ben! Haha so fun that 1st Jan is on a Sun. :D Oh today will be the first time that Abbie is ushering for youth service! Everyone, excites! Haha she's always said that she wants to try. Haha Congre Care heads ushering tomorrow, Sec1s, be honoured!

And I'm announcing Birthdays tomorrow! But I've been arrowed by Ben to do Birthday prayers. Kinda saw the arrow coming, but really! This is terrifying. By the way, I'm chionging cards now, 4 more to go! The verse I picked is 1 Tim 4: 12, " Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." And I've wrote a short note too! Last time I did that was in 2010 I think haha.

Today was fun, dinner at Pasta Mania with my bro, Abbie, the Kueks and Gabby Goh. Ivan came too but he had eaten. Sean and Dhinesh went off to eat at Carl's then went to Lan. The rest of us sorted through the youth cupboard (all Abbie's work). Then Jiaying Jiajun came and Uncle Ken helped us open the Chapel so we did the packing of packages inside.

Service was good, though it was all hymns that we didn't know. Haha! Amos preached on Psalm 37: 23-24, on 1. that God is in control of our steps and 2. He upholds our every action. And that we should remember His past faithfulness so that we may trust Him in our present and future. (: Amos forever looks uncomfortable in a suit and tie. Haha he didn't sing the last hymn cos he was typing out the Benediction! Haha just like Amos. :D And I had the honour of getting BK's first poke of the year haha! And Tim and Jenny are back!!! :D Jenny!!! Hmm before Tim and Jenny left he spoke to me about something about managing Congre care stuff together with As and he affirmed me or something, can't really hear cos his voice is like gone haha. Haha after we hung around and sorted out how each person is going home, Dom yeo drove Abbie, me and Elaine back. Elaine's a Yam who has been studying in UK. It was really nice spending Countdown in the Sanctuary during Watchnight service, seating on a pew crowded with brothers and sisters, my BASICs. (:

Hope that this spiritual highness will maintain into the school term! Jesus not just as a separate priority, but in all other priorities. Jesus in school. That's my aim. (:

Kay, back to cards! Need to make sure Abbie wakes up tmr. But first, I must wake up. Please help me!

T.T

2011-12-30T00:41:00.003+08:00

Sigh. Jie. :'(

I don't wanna interrogate you, but even more than that, I don't want to lose you as a friend. You're too dear a friend. Too dear.

It's like we have all shed off part of our past and have put on a new mask. Including me maybe. Or have we all broken out of our shells, and are becoming who we are?

Who am I? God's child. And you are God's precious girl too.

I don't want to do nothing. Serene told me once that while you're holding on to God, take comfort in that God is also holding on to you. Even in the fog, even if you are no longer holding on, even in the depths of despair, God is holding on. And I wanna go and stand with you where you are, in the fog or whatever.

Space. Fine then. So silly of me.

Count thy blessings (:

2011-12-26T01:59:00.002+08:00

name them one by one;

Count thy blessings, see what God had done. (:

It really has been such a blessed year, by God's grace and love and mercies. Been blessed so richly with church friends that I can trust, friends that I can trust my life with. And school friends that always bring a smile to my face. And of course, countless new and re-new experiences that have helped me to grow as a person, to grow spiritually and to grow closer in relationships.

I feel like I've really grown since Sec 1, when I was still quiet and insecure about where I belonged. But I guess back then the Lord would whisper to me new insights into things that most do not see. Now I need to be careful about what I think and say. I used to have such great difficulty trusting the Lord, but now I know what it means to trust Him. To just do your best and let Him smooth out the knacks and knots, to let go. I guess Youth Camp 2010 was a huge milestone, cos it taught me to lean on Him for everything, for all my secret fears, and taught me humility. And after that, I became more confident about serving Him and speaking in front of a small crowd. I'm not afraid of going up on stage to announce Birthdays anymore. (: (But being enthu and interactive and saying prayers is another story) And Church Camp 2011 taught me how to live life radically, and inspired me to try and strengthen the bond with my family.

Youth Camp this year was just so awesome. God really gave me a whole lot of physical and mental strength in abundance so that I would be able to last through the whole camp. Heh I kinda forgot to jio Bev to help me with the cordial and stuff since I figured one person would be enough. And I didn't want to jio Gabby cos she's group leader. But really, through this camp I forged a friendship with Rei Hrn, haha he's a bro to me now. And I got closer to Abbie too, cos she's always helping me with stuff and then after clearing up we'll go brush teeth together haha. Showering was with different people each time haha. And I got closer to Jasmine too, cos she's another one who always was there with a helping hand, especially in getting the meals! Dom yeo too, now I don't feel awkward talking to him, after going out to get meals and getting teased as a handicapped and all those hilarious debriefs at 12.30 to 2.

And I think for Finale Night all of us really worked like super hard, helping to direct the parents, set up the dinner table, move the dinner table, get the youths to help, set up the sound system AND prepare for each group dance item. Haha I seriously just followed Ivan and picked up on the spot! And RAWR I should have just added Abbie into the main comm page. :(

I think God has been really using me as a tool to touch others. And I love that He is, just like how I badly wanted Him to. Like woah, I've never had such a long msg convo with Elijah before. And I never thought that Rei Hrn and I would become so close. And despite being totally inexperienced in Logs comm and not knowing how to delegate work and being super behind time, everything went smoothly. God showed me how to do things like doing up the booklet (though it wasn't colorful) and ordering shirts and fitting a 2 month schedule into 3 weeks. Haha. And I don't know if its true or not, but in some cards I received it seems that God has been using me to touch others. Haha but all the running around camp was at the expense of spending time with my group, so sorry Angie! Worship was just awesome, with Deon and Jasmine and Jojo and Abbie and Ivan and all the new ones! Like woohoo, new worship comm members! Oh and Shannon and Cherie want to become ushers too, so woohoo new ushers! See if I can jio them into birthdays too haha!

And Christmas has been great this year. Candlelight with the youths and service after that. Haha once again we couldn't stand with the other young adults or have service with them. Lessons and Carols was the bomb as always. The ensemble was, to quote Jasmine, sounding like a soundtrack, that's how awesome it was. And the choir was ending on a high note for every single song, how do they do that for the whole service?! And next year the youths really should all come to church at 8.30 and chope front seats like in 2008. Cool stuff yo. Haha played Uno Intercept and Boggle Slam with Danielle, Daniel, Gary, Bev, Jasmine, Kane, ZhenHao and XiaoWen while Doms, Bens, Justin, Gabby, Serene, Abbie, Dhinesh, Deon were playing L4D2. Haha Serene's mind has been reprogrammed for L4D haha.

Kaykays, now it is 3.12am and I'm hungry. Haha. And I really don't want to do work. :( Still in the church mood haha. If only work didn't require you to bring work back home, like homework. Blegh. I'll just do what I can... :) Good night, and God bless you all! :D <3!

Youth Camp 2011: Vivid Faith

2011-12-17T21:54:00.002+08:00

Camp was just so awesome. Every bit of tiredness is totally worth it, I tell you.

Shall give a short one now, need to go sleep. Day 1 was tiring, rushing all over to make sure everything is flowing well. Haha I forgot about cordial at lunch! Only remembered at the last 20 min. Games was good! Haha Dom's really funny. And I have really slow reactions, keep getting splashed by Seby in Wet Dog and Bone. At night we had workshop, and one of the twins suggested getting them to do as many pushups as possible as a distraction. Haha. Oh at night, after debrief at 2am, we could see the whole Orion constellation! I was with Abby on the way back from brushing teeth when we saw it. It was amazing. And the day was worth it. God of Wonders!!!

Danielle told me that she hopes that God will touch me in this experience of being a comm head at camp. I don't know about it, but every worship, I've been crying. Especially the last one today. I just wanted to break down, but not out of tiredness or stress or anything. Just like that. And worship was good. Love like FIRE!!!! :D

2011-12-05T22:43:00.001+08:00

Trust God with that.

Second half of Nov

2011-11-30T22:12:00.002+08:00

Sermon outline looks good this year. :)

Val's birthday at the Science Centre, I think she quite enjoyed herself. :)

Xblaze recce camp on Sat and Sun. I woke up at 430 to take the first 53 bus, Yaozhi woke up at 530 to meet opposite school at 615 to take the first bus at 642 and Simin woke up at 6 to meet us at the jetty directly. Everyone else will only wake up at 630 to reach school at 800. Haha the 3 of us took the first boat to Ubin at 730 and slacked on a poncho on Maman beach.

It was quite fun, the camp. Dawn was gonna stay with Ms Tan Pei Min, but she decided to come with us so the 3 of us walked. We went to Murai Hut to check out the basha area, but once we stepped in the whole swarm of mosquitoes came after us! Simin said she saw the whole group fly around me. And it started raining heavily so we seeked shelter at Murai. Along with the mosquitoes and other tourists. The result? I've got 63 bites. It's crazy.

Once the rain stopped, we went to Nordin beach to check it out. The walk in is soooo long! It would rain for a few mins, then we'll take out out ponchos, and a min later it would stop. So we would hold on to our ponchos and keep it 5 mins later, and it rains a min later again. Haha so we just held on to them. Oh as we were walking back to Maman we met them on DOTA! Haha. We didn't want to see the mosquitoes again, so we went back to Maman by the long way. Then on the way back, we met Weiliang, Jojo and Yaozhi. They were trying to call me on the walkie talkie, turns out my volume was too low! Haha later on at Maman they called us to ask what we wanna take-away for lunch, then we walked out to Murai to eat. Heheh I told Mr Goh we were gonna check out the basha area again, so he asked Jiaji to come with us. Jiaji had brought Sherman the casualty back. Weiliang and Jo passed it our fried rice to us, then we walked into a side road and stood by the road side to eat haha! After we had eaten our fill, we checked out the basha area, then waited at Murai for the cycling team. While waiting, Mr Goh passed by on his bike so we told him we were resting. Which is true! Haha after he left, the cyclists came so we shared our joy. :D Haha Zhi Hao was super excited haha!

Then the 3 of us went back, and we played bridge with the Dota peeps plus Mr Tong. Haha Ms Tan was super avid about photo-taking, for some album I think. Once they came back, we had dinner! Haha it was the usual maggi mee with curry chicken and sausages, but it was really nice! My tube of toothpaste spent on mess tins and indian pots haha. :D Scared away 2 big dogs from the tents, but at the last second I faltered, so they turned back and almost came running back. Thank god they didn't, I got a shock. Then we had night walk while Manda, Chen Hao and I stayed back to do campfire. Only Chen Hao was from campfire comm so Manda taught him how to do it. Haha while Dota was collecting firewood we were eating fried rice. Haha Mr Goh and Chen Hao tried using the shovel to chop wood, but like our seniors, they failed. Mr Tong was so pessimistic haha.

We managed to get the fire lighted using solid fuel, then Jojo helped us feed the fire. :) Not bad, for so little wood it managed to last an hour. Campfire was just impromptu, we played the games the seniors played with us so that we can play with the juniors. But we didn't do Billy Banja. I slept first while Ping, Chengyee and Dawn played Taiti. Haha I slept so well, I only woke up at 230am and I didn't hear the dogs sniffing at all. Dawn hardly slept.

Then we packed up and did area cleaning, thank God I had extra plastic bags from buying water. :D The walk back to school was a killer. Was soooo tired already, my eyes were half-closed. Haha some uncle asked if we were heading to war, he was so shocked to see us. Jingyi and I were singing hymns on the way back. Haha and the old 'Imagine you're the bus driver' and 'Submarine exceed passenger capacity' joke. Mr Tong and Ms Tan left, Mr Ng came with us. We ran half the way from White Sands to school! I was so tired, I "Argh!" once when I started running. I look up, and I see a zebra crossing with a taxi coming. Then Mr Ng shouts at me, "Wait, Wait, WAIT!" I realise he's shouting at me, so I said softly, "yeah." And I stop running. Heheheheheheheh. But we all got to school safely. :)

Tues, we had tent cleaning! Haha it was so fun! :D Darren was armed with the spray and Amanda kept getting covered with the tent on its side, and Manda and Simin covered me from Darren while I tried scrubbing the mess tin.

Then we had rockclimbing. I like belaying! :D But I didn't have the strength for climbing. My arms were so weak and my legs were asleep! It was horrible. :S Haha plus Chongwei was helping Dawn, Jiaji, Keith and I. But it's over now. :D No complaints. Oh but the teacher and the Malay girl who was the 2nd IC were really nice! :)

Praise the Lord. :)

Finally 17th.

2011-11-17T00:00:00.002+08:00

It was a good day.

It was great being with the class, finishing up our GPFs.

Haha Vally told Mrs Tan that it was my birthday, so Mrs Tan accused Arun of bullying me to write in the pagination. Haha then Arun swore that I volunteered, which I did. Mrs Tan wished me happy birthday, but I was so shy I couldn't lift my head. Sigh where are my manners. So sorry Mrs Tan! She saw my presents too, and told me I have very sweet friends. I said, I know. :)

Vally gave me a cup that I commented that I like, that sha3 ya1 tou. :) Amanda gave me a Precious Thots figurine, just like Manda haha. :) And Arun gave me a huge box of Gobstoppers haha!

Sigh climbed stairs for Odac. Sian. I tried chionging up without stopping, it was like my lungs were gonna work too fast and burst.

Dinner with family, got a Baby-G watch. Haha I still remember last time I had a red Baby-G watch where you can snap off the metal wire thing around the watch face haha!

Today was good. It seems to be a day of not just friends celebrating my birthday, but also a day to celebrate the friendships with my friends. Thank you, Lord. :)

Prayers work miracles

2011-11-15T22:45:00.002+08:00

Ohmygosh tomorrow is 16 Nov!!! :D

But my bro ain't in Singapore. Sian no one to talk to at home.

And tomorrow's the last day of PW! :D Everyone would be going out to play. :)

But I got training. :(

At least the load's only 4.5 litres.

Super sian of Odac and of stairs. Not that I'm not enthu about my CCA, or that I don't care about Odac, because I do care about it. But I ain't like the rest, they all have close friends in Odac. They've got bros. Indah and I don't. Indah and I go together, but we don't click closely because we are too different. Like girly and non-girly. And because of that there isn't that feeling of passion, of belonging. Just like what I told my bro, I'm dispensable. Why would it matter if I ponned? Only the attendance would suffer.

And I have no idea how to go about making what I wanna give Val for her birthday. And it's on Friday, I can't make it on time. Sigh. Sorry.

I miss Ness. :( And Cherms. And when I accidentally called Sherms, I was quite tempted to talk to her. And I wanna chat with Yihui. I still remember when we went to Far East to look for prom dresses. And I wasn't interested so I just sat down at the bench after a while. So Yihui stayed with me. And she asked me about my family. At that time my relationship with my family was quite cold. So I only said a little, nothing more. Only Ness knows more. But anyway, somehow when it comes to looking at the heart, Yihui and I match. Ness and Jonas read me the best.

I've grown cold and hard. And I'm sorry. I don't know how to keep our friendship going, or how to start conversations like Vally, or how to crack a funny and silly joke. I can't keep a conversation going either, somehow it just ends at me. Ms P wrote in my report book that I need to come out of my shell.

But I'm glad that I'm learning to trust God now. To just believe that He'll handle it all. That because He is here, everything will turn out fine.

Prayers work miracles. People I wanna pray for. Ethel, Qiangwei, Sarah, Jiayu, Gen, Ms Rockey, Ms Lee, Ms P, so many, now that I think of it. My bro. Ampon. Mui. Yupin Yupan.

He's got the whole world, in His Hands~~

Teachers and Thanksgiving.

2011-11-13T22:26:00.002+08:00

Sigh OP is over. :)

But I screwed up for Eunice, I screwed up her slides. I was lost in concentration and I lagged. Hope it doesn't drag down the Group Effectiveness segment. But I'm glad it doesn't affect her own speech. :)

The night before OP, Mrs Tan sent down a message to us through Eleanor. Haha it was really sweet, the message. And I really thank God that we have her, out of all the other teachers that we could have had. The best 2 form teachers I've ever had, Ms P and Ms Wu. If she doesn't take us next year, ..... *shudders*

And I thank Him for Ms Koh too! The guys like her because she's really pretty, the girls like her because she is sophisticated and has an aura of wit around her. Haha. Oh yeah there are 3 groups in a session for OP, our group was in the afternoon session with 2 groups from 208. So means our group was the last group of the day. Ms Loo and another teacher were our assessors. Then after the lunch break, the Indian PW teacher (I never really got her name) came in to moderate. Then she went out as we were entering the class, then we settled down in our row of seats. After a few minutes, I heard the back door slowly open, just as my group mates turn and gave a short intake of breath. I thought it was the Indian lady, so I only turned a second later. And I uncontrollably spazzed in my seat. It was Ms Koh, with her air of seriousness and some apprehension. Haha, come to think of it, her face was quite funny, a mixture of wariness while trying to be emotionless.

Today, I must admit I was going crazy over Fundraising the past few days. But God told me to be calm, that it would work out. And it did. :) Haha we sold out in record time! with so much excess of icing. -.- And a permanent marker appeared out of nowhere. Maybe it was the Sec 3s', come to think of it.

And you know what? Sarah's right. Trust God and everything will fall into place at long last.

Praise the Lord. Halleluuuuuuujah.

Confidence

2011-11-03T23:20:00.002+08:00

I know I'm gonna do this. Just keep muttering to myself on the train and bus and smiling and frowning and raising my Shi-brows to myself and I'll be fine. :P It really works! :D Helps me detach from negative feelings and just reenact what I do. :)

Really hope and pray so hard that Mrs Tan is still taking us next year. :( Haha we met her on the way down from IT dry run to class because she thought class was on the 4th level. Then she asked Arun, Arun, you hate me right! You got that ... "I hate you" expression! xD HAHAHA nay he doesn't, he just wants to kid around with her. :)

Tuesday, Mrs Tan told me that I'm a strong speaker, just need to be confident about it otherwise everything will come crashing down. Made me wanna cry. :')

Everything is God's.

2011-10-29T23:39:00.003+08:00

Feel like there's so many things to let out.

But I don't know what they are.

My lack of confidence. Flaw for so many years. Because of 1 small word, 1 small incident.

Why so significant?

Why can't I be like everyone else.

:'(

I needa Tumblr.

2011-10-25T18:56:00.002+08:00

How do you learn to love yourself?

But first we must love God with all our hearts.

Smash the beaker labelled "Comfort Zone of our Heart" onto the ground and pour God's love and rain the Holy Spirit onto it. Spill it all.

You can do it! With God's help

2011-10-21T00:44:00.003+08:00

OP dry run 2 today with half of S302 and Ms Heng their teacher.

So freakin' scared.

We were the first group. After our OP, Mrs Tan came over to talk quietly to Arun who was beside me. Like she stood in the gap between Arun and I. I thought she might be commenting on our group as a whole so I stepped closer to hear. She wasn't haha. So when she turned, I stepped back, only for Mrs Tan to step towards me. Really close. And she's around my height so we're like really eye to eye. And she smiles and she asked, Rebecca, did you practice last night. I was still quite taken aback so I just held her gaze and said no. Mrs Tan said through her smile, next time must practice more ahh. I nodded. Then she places her hands at my shoulders and shakes me, while I think she saying, you can do it one! I'm sorry, but as she was shaking me I couldn't help realizing how thin she was. My eyes tend to drift a little when listening heh. So yes, I said, I very scared! And she told me, you are okay one, you did better, you did do better this time. Then the switch to the telling-off tone, must have more facial expressions, work harder okay. I nodded.

On Wed during consultation, without warning she asked me to stand up and say my script. I was totally shocked. Just stood there for an entire minute. All the while my mates were giving me encouraging smiles and Mrs Tan was like, come on Rebecca you can do it! Jiayou!

It's sad to know that others expect and know that you can do it, but you know that you can't. And you couldn't because you've never done it before. Especially someone you really look up to.

But on Wed instead of running over to help, I only asked her if she needed help and waited for her reply. :( I've changed.

NP Strings Family Concert: We are a family!

2011-10-16T00:56:00.002+08:00

Today was so good. :)

Met Kelda, Cheryl, Valerie, Beverly, Sherms, Yihui, Nicole and Cheok. Haven't seen Kelda for so long!

So anyway, it was for Ness' NP Strings concert. First time I watch her perform! But I couldn't see her despite Kelda's clear description. It was the angle that I was sitting at I think. And my hands were shaking too, because I was helping Kelda help Ness to video it.

It's quite sad that I couldn't talk much to them today. Or hang out after that, because I felt so weighed down by PW. In the end I'm too tired to think lol.

Kinda broke down a little at NP bus stop, just went the rest boarded the bus to go hang out. And Yihui's smile when I told her I wouldn't be going along. Oh manz I wish we could be our clique again. Thank God Kelda and Val were there with me. Managed to recover quickly.

Kinda miss doing food delivery with Xinhoon, how we would deliver the porridge asap because it was so heavy.

No matter where I go, St Nicks will always be my second home. Heaven is my first, because it's where I know I will forever belong.

Thanksgiving.

2011-10-11T01:12:00.002+08:00

Ever so grateful for all the St Nicks people God has placed in my life and in my JC life. :)

Never had such a huge jump in a Maths exam before. Indeed, by God's Grace I'll say. All Glory to God.

Wisdom - that is to fear God and understanding is to shun evil.

2011-10-09T21:40:00.002+08:00

YAYY WE'RE GETTING STARTED ON YOUTH CAMP :DD

And I'm gonna do my best for God, for God.

Not for youth camp.

For God.

Time management prac again :)

2011-10-05T19:39:00.001+08:00

Promos are over!! :)

But after the Tekong trip I'm so tired. And sian.

And after promos, I just wanna rest. And watch disney movies.

Sigh.

Glad that Sarah's fine. :) Jiayu and Ethel are fine too now. :)

2011-09-27T18:23:00.001+08:00

Super sian.

Dear Mr. God,

2011-09-24T22:00:00.002+08:00

God been answering my prayers. :)

Been receiving encourages from all around me. First it was Yihui and Sherms. Yihui wasn't sure how to encourage me so she msged Ms P and forwarded back to me. Ms P really reads our mind. :O Almost spot-on. Then it was the Chrystal Card which has encouragements from everyone. Well, not everyone. But some are just so touching. :) Then Mrs Tan wrote each of us an individualized message on a bookmark. Each bookmark has a different design! :D All have cats haha. But I really love mine, it's so cute!! And her smiley faces just make me wanna smile too! Then today Ethel's reply really encouraged me, though it's not an encouragement msg.

Thank you so much, God.

Valerie slept in the library and she told me what she dreamt of. So scary. Because I've been considering it for a long time. For her it's scary because it would be sad if it came through. So different, these two sides of the story. Different lives.

Dreams are from God.

2011-09-21T21:08:00.003+08:00

HRTBKLWTHUISVDHKSABKUSEHRUEHRTUVF

I MISS CHIJ ST NICHOLAS GIRLS SCHOOL. I MISS THE LIFE WHEN YOU GREETED YOUR SENIORS AS JIEJIE AND YOUR JUNIORS AS MEIMEI. I MISS WRITING LETTERS DURING EXAM PERIODS. I MISS GETTING LITTLE NOTES FROM UNDER MY TABLE. I MISS THE SCHOOL WHERE YOUR FRIENDS ARE YOUR CLASSMATES AND ARE YOUR SISTERS. WE ARE SO DIFFERENT FROM OTHER SCHOOLS. I FOUND ME IN SNG. I GOT TO BE WHO I WANTED TO GENUINELY BE. MJC MAKES ME SO COLD. I MISS MS PRABA AND BEING TWITS. I MISS MS LEE AND THE SILLY THINGS WE DO. I MISS MS ROCKEY AND THOSE FUNNY RANDOM MOMENTS. I MISS MS LIM AND THE EVEN MORE RANDOM STORIES. I MISS MR CHOO WHO ENCOURAGED CURIOSITY. I MISS SU JUN WEI LAO SHI WHO TAUGHT US HOW TO LIVE. I MISS MARVELING AT HOW MANY PEOPLE SLEEP DURING MS DORIS TAN'S LESSON. I MISS LIFE.

Be strong.

2011-09-20T00:44:00.003+08:00

Never ever give up. Lesson 1 of today.

Lesson 2. If you're giving your best, you wouldn't have time to worry or fear.

Lesson 3. God's arms and soft wings are outstretched, always, in so many different ways. He loves you.

My new armour. It needs polishing through this week.

Suffering brings perseverance, perseverance brings character.

Today, so touched when Bernice was genuinely sad and felt bad when no one subbed me. Just ignored me. So touched. Wow. Got the Chrystal card back today, surprisingly Darren's short message really touched me too. Valerie's too.

Hiding all my fears, sadness, loneliness behind my smile, though real it is. Belle reminded me to find solace in the Father. In our Father. O Beautiful One. :)

2011-09-15T00:05:00.001+08:00

Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?

Psalm 56:8

2011-09-15T00:01:00.002+08:00

meh.

I JUST WANNA GIVE UP RIGHT NOW.

BUT I CAN'T.

SO TIED UP AND DON'T EVEN THINK I CAN MAKE IT.

quiet confidence but no self-confidence.

some shit i am.

WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.

Reflection

2011-09-10T01:39:00.002+08:00

Okay I was just lying in front of my mirror looking at my reflection and I thought,

The woman in the mirror is perfect. She has no virtues or evils, no vanity, no wrath, no cruelty, no jealousy. She feels nothing, she has no emotions. She does not decide whether to move her arm or tilt her head to show her "better looking side" or even smile. She makes no move on her own, nor any decisions. She is a nobody.

And nobody's perfect.

But the woman standing in front of the mirror, well, that's a different story all together.

Penny for my Thoughts, not worth a Dollar.

2011-09-10T01:24:00.003+08:00

I really need to rant. SUPER UNPRODUCTIVE TODAY.

Supposed to at least finish functions but nope, only did 4 ques plus corrections. At least my heart went into those 4 ques and corrections for 6 ques.

My heart, it's like trying so hard to cry but I wouldn't allow it. I just ask it to shut up and be a man. My tofu heart.

So envious of others and their families. Especially Vally. Such a warm family, all built around each other.

Had a really freaky dream last night. *shudders* And been listening to "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry. Ness is emo too but I can't do anything at all to help. :(

Met an old friend earlier, apparently their son was in the same pri school as me and our families were friends. Friends because of my dad, like usual. His wife is a St Nicks alumni, from the Victoria site. I really love meeting other St Nicks girls, old or young. Jie Mei men. :) And haha, the first thing they always seem to ask is, what was your cca? She told me that in her time, she still had french nuns for teachers and her chinese teacher wore a cheongsam and stood really straight haha. 78 years for St Nicks, only one generation apart but St Nicks has come such a long way.

Gonna stay over at a hotel tomorrow, shall slack in the room and roll around in the carpet and look out at the balcony door/window and "study" while my parents and sis go shopping and my bro does flag day and ask people for money. And I shall relax. I need it.

2011-09-08T14:28:00.002+08:00

STUDY

2011-09-07T03:08:00.002+08:00

Horoscopes from twitter are amazingly true and accurate. :O

And I really really miss St Nick's, just thinking of the friends and the teachers and all the love made me cry. The love that seeps into every corner and warms the darkest corners of your heart.

2011-09-04T00:46:00.002+08:00

Haish. The first 2 weeks are okay. But the third week, its really the worst.

I just want to give up, so much easier.

But circumstances are that that's not an option. Sad.

Anyway, Teachers' Day was good I guess. Just that I was super moody. Wanted to cry so many times. Cry on Chermin's shoulder again. Haha nay. Our agreement that we'll be a shoulder for each other to cry on. :) I still owe her one.

Sometimes I wonder if I should get out of the clique, quietly off course. And keep it from Ethel. I still wish Ethel stayed here. So I wouldn't be so lonely. But that's being selfish, no?

Fear is a lonely thing. And loneliness does nothing but make you stronger and grow from the pain.

2011-08-26T16:28:00.002+08:00

Started studying for promos! :D

Kinda late though :S Haha.

No motivation to study... especially econs. So lazy. Sigh.

Kinda left out nowadays. Nevermind.

Another Friend Leaving

2011-08-14T15:21:00.004+08:00

After ODAC on Friday and dinner at T1's Aston's, I went to T2 to send Jiayu off. I was early so I wasn't really expecting her to reach on time. So I was just walking along the side of gate 3 and I hear a very familiar, "Rebecca!"

Turning around, I met a Jiayu dressed in pink and long pants with her mum and dad. They were just about to join the short queue to check in their baggage. I smiled and waved and greeted her parents. As they were starting to walk towards the counter, Jiayu was telling her parents in Chinese that I was her primary school friend. Her mum came to me and thanked me for coming all the way to the airport to send Jiayu off, it must be very out-of the-way for me. Nay, it's not, I said. My mind was quite blank from having to instinctively answer in Chinese. But it came out sounding right, thank goodness. Somehow, I felt like I had no place there. 2 years of not seeing each other and we pretend that we're still so close. But to me it was all real, feelings and memories from a time past. A kind of quiet sadness.

After checking in, Jiayu's friends who were also from China came so I told her to talk to them first. So I just stood in a corner waiting for Xinhoon. After all, at that point in time they were the ones that she wanted to see the most, not me. Her parents went to sit at a bench further off. her dad saw me standing separately from Jiayu so he came over and told me that Jiayu is over there, why don't I go over? I didn't know how to answer. Thank goodness Xinhoon came, Chaoqun too. Another girl from China and went to St Nicks, she came too. But they didn't see me haha. So I tried to tell her dad that Chaoqun and that girl were from KCP and Xinhoon was from Frnech class. I wasn't very clear, unfortunately. After that I excused myself and went over. Xinhoon thought I had left, so she gave her the scarf first. Sigh. Never mind, I sort of saw her reaction from far. The scarf is from the 3 of us. Didn't really say much to her, just a "Mmm, take care" when we hugged. Didn't know what to feel. I wanted to cry but I couldn't.

Chaoqun, Xinhoon and I just stood in a corner and I listened to them chat about class. The RI crowd grew quickly, and I realised I was outnumbered. Told Jiayu on Monday that I didn't go visit KCP along with the rest during the New Year because everyone was in RI and Hwachong and I didn't want to be compared. Jiayu said, never mind. But it does matter. Everyone at the airport was Rafflesians or HCians, all 2 pointers. The only 9 pointer standing in a corner. Anyway. Her dad came over and stood next to me and we started to chat. I commented that it must be worrying for him and he said something that I didn't really understand so I didn't really reply.

Jiayu came over for a short while and left again. And her friend took a video of what we each wanted to say to Jiayu, but I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say that to me, she's my first best friend, but I was too shy. Chaoqun told her not to study too much (otherwise her eyes will get even smaller). Sigh. So sorry. After a while, we went to Jiayu to tell her we were leaving. She was talking to her dad. We hugged and Chaoqun pretended to reach out to hug her. Jiayu said, "Really? In front of my dad?" Her dad was giving the weird look, the on-guard look. Chaoqun laughed, "No lah I was just pretending. Haha." Then we talked to her dad because his friend's son is in Hwachong. Xinhoon tried to tell him that his son was the Head Prefect, a big shot who was a good leader. Literally, big cannon. Haha. I told Chaoqun that I wasn't sure her dad understood so he tried to explain. Haha it was quite interesting. Then we left. Really really couldn't bear to leave. I wanted to watch her walk into the departure hall, see her pass through security.

Wonder if she knows how I feel. Sadness, regret, guilt, gladness, a bit of hurt. Sad that she's leaving, left, that she'll be all alone there. She didn't expect so many people to be there, but she doesn't know what a wonderful friend she is. She was always the one who took care of me in P5 and P6, she was the one from whom I learned how to watch what I say, how to act in front of others, to be mature. In our class, the most mature ones were Chaoqun, Jiayu and me. Regret and guilt because even though we were so close, we never made effort to remain in contact. I had no idea how to, having never had friends who were really worth the effort. Yili, Xinhui, Jiaxin. Even Chaoqun. Jiayu, Jiayu's friendship is worth it. But I didn't know how to. Haha I used her name in my Chinese compo for years. But I'm glad that she's going to US, to pursue her dreams of studying there. She'll go far, that girl. I'm just afraid that she doesn't have confidence that she can go US based on her results. Hurt, because another true friend is leaving, leaving for a far off country. Maybe I'm afraid that I'll be alone at the end. I don't know.

But I'll be praying for them, for their dreams and hopes and faith.

8th August 2011

2011-08-08T21:17:00.004+08:00

NDP Celebrations + Meet Pri school friends + Meet Sec school friends! :D

NDP was quite fun, actually. At first we watched the two class videos made by classes, then we did a quiz game on Singapore SS that was open to all. And then Don't Forget the Lyrics National Edition. Haha Ivan's group totally had no idea what they were doing, they got 1 point out of a possible 3. Nad's group were so enthu, dancing along while other groups were singing and singing straight into the mike. But the last group, Fresh Fruit Juice won, because of the tiebreaker song Moments of Magic. Oh yeah our school building is featured in this year's NDP song!

After that we all folded hearts and wrote what we wanted to do for Singapore. And then they just played songs for us to song and go high on. Haha 302 was screaming behind us and we were linking arms and Val and Eleanor took photos. Then we just gathered for a class photo so Val and Eleanor placed their cams on the stage and set it on timer. While waiting, Ms Lai came into the hall. She sat on the top step of the stage and gave us the thumbs-up to tell us that the photo taken was good. After talking to the Emcees, she came back, inserted herself between Carrie and myself and called us to take another picture. Haha we were quite surprised! But we just put our arms around her anyway. Haha it was so cool! And Jingyi even hugged her after that! Yeah after celebrations we took pictures, then we parted ways.

I first went to St Nicks, MJ finished at 10 so I reached at 1030. Talked to Nicole Chan and Marie, then Sherms came so we chatted. And CYM Laoshi walked through the canteen so we talked to him for a while. Nicole left early. Around 12 I rushed out to go back to KCP and met Yihui and Beverly on the way to the MRT. Haha then I ran all the way to KCP, super wet. Mdm Pang spoke to the security guard so I managed to get in. Met Jiayu, like FINALLY. Haha so happy! We haven't changed. :) Chatted, took pictures while waiting for Mdm Pang and Ms Tan and Ms Loy. I saw Ms Theresa when she left the GO, she was quite surprised haha. But we only waved to each other, didn't talk but she still remembers my name. Maybe because she was walking with the teachers. Oh then the 3 teachers finally came out and Chaoqun managed to sweet talk his way past the security guard haha. Then we went for lunch at J8 food court, talked a lot on the way there. It was mainly Ms Loy chatting with Chaoqun, Jiayu with Mdm Pang and me listening on. Ms Tan was parking her bike as usual. At the traffic light in front of the CC, we held hands and she squeezed mine and I squeezed hers after.

At J8, Ms Tan had to leave all of a sudden. So the rest of us went up and had lunch. I sat between Jiayu and Mdm Pang, Ms Loy sat opposite Jiayu with Chaoqun beside her. It was quite strange, I had to try and talk to Mdm Pang so that she wasn't left out, but I also wanted to talk to Jiayu, who was awfully quiet. A lot of things on her mind, it seemed. Sigh. Then after eating Jiayu's friend came over to our table and Jiayu introduced us to her, " This is my brother (Chaoqun), this is my sister (me) and this is my errr........ sister (Ms Loy)." Haha Mdm Pang was buying dessert and sugar cane drink for Jiayu. Then we took photos and we slowly went our separate ways. Hugged that girl extra tight. Didn't want to leave.

Went to find the SN girls at KFC, we sat there and chatted. It was Ness, Sherms, Beef, Yue, Cheryl and Cherms. I sat beside Chermin, haven't gotten to talk to her in so long, we'll never go back to our table partner days. No one is as happy and carefree as we were before. Oh she's kept this slip of paper that I gave her in her wallet ever since I gave it to her! :D Wow. It was to thank her for asking me if she could sit beside me. Ever since. Wow. Then we went to J8 and Chermin bought her shoes and we went to Macs. Studied, chatted with Chermin. But she seems to have distanced from Kim, Belle and Rasey. Then we went home.

Finally.

2011-08-02T22:18:00.002+08:00

Argh finally blogging. But must make it fast.

Let's just start say it hasn't been good.

Friday, I didn't realise it but I was feeling frustrated right from the start, in the morning. Chem test was do-able. Then I had 2 hours to slack, so I stayed in the ODAC room. And it got worse. And worse. Started feeling restless so I went out and sat on the bench. I wanted to lament how SIAN I was and Nad happened to walk past so I did. Yeah so anyway, it got quite bad. I didn't want to join in the convos, nor talk or listen. But I really wanted to run around and play frisbee but they were all guys.

Then ODAC started and people started to come. Joanna and Xiuyun saw my face and immediately asked what happened, asked me to share my problems. The problem was, I had no idea. I really didn't. So we did the normal exercises, then we walked to the nearby HDB to climb stairs (3 sets of 10 storeys). On the way there Xiuyun was pulling me along by my arm, once she massaged me and surprisingly it wasn't ticklish. Even my nervous system was numb haha. But yeah climbing stairs helped me feel better. :) A little. Haha there was this old guy on the 7th floor who gave us weird stares as we went up and down. We would hold our laughter, then giggle once we were 1 floor up/down. Wanted to say Hi on the last set but he was shy and went home. Oh was surprised when Weiliang encouraged me whenever I slowed down, and at the top and bottom quite a few would ask if I was doing fine. ODAC family.

I got to score during Captain's Ball! :) Joaquin was the Captain. Haha Joanna was still trying to cheer me up by playing with me, pose while the ball was coming. Thanks guys. :)

Sat, woke up early for Parent Teacher Conference. Cried like shit in front of Ms Choy. So sorry, and thank you. Emo-ed in my room, then left for study session. I went an hour early so I went to walk one whole round around the St Nicks amk block, following the main road. Met SuLong LaoShi and we separated. Saw the inside from the secondary gate, felt like crying. Everything was so ..... foreign. At least the track and extension block were the same. But all those special little corners where our memories are, they're all gone. The only corners left other than the field and hockey pitch are the Forum and this spot outside the Bio labs and a spot outside the MPR1 and the Guides Den + board and a bit of the New Specs Stand. The rest are gone.

So I walked back to Tauhuay shop and was busy being unproductive with Beef. Sherms dropped by. Then we had lunch at Macs, Hui came and Cherms dropped by. Studied until 8 in Macs, then we left. It was a good chatting session, like a glimpse of the old St Nicks life. At 5pm I was in a dilemma whether to rush to the airport to send Ethel off but I would have reached at 630, which would be too late so I just messaged her. Yihui told me that I should go, otherwise I would always regret. But it would be awkward to go alone with all her other friends, especially 302. Really should have gone, she went in at 7 and only 4 TK peeps were there, 302 didn't go. And she was the airport at 5.42. Wonder if she was waiting for more people. So sorry Ethel.

I know that you may not have meant what you said, that everything might have been said in a manner that would make me feel better. But sometimes I would rather believe in the good of that person, any person.

Sun was okay, sermon was quite good though. After lunch, Ben, Gabby, and I bumped into Danielle, Kane and Dom Yeo. We walked to Orchard Central and walked around. Gabby left after we had a drink. Wanted to go ECP but it was too late already so Kane and Danielle for dinner and the rest of us went home. ECP next sunday! :D

Monday was.... Started off feeling frustrated. But well, when you're with friends you've got no choice but to be "happy" even when you're not. But I held up quite well. Accompanied Eleanor to Ikea, cheered me up a little. Eleanor and I are much closer now. Amanda and I too. Can't say the same for Val and I. Went home with Sheen and Val.

Today was so.... I didn't know how tired I was. Slept and dreamt during GP timed compre, dreamt of Vis. Haha because I want to talk to Vis. Dreamt that there was this bear that was roaring/growling and it was towering over me and I could see that in the roof of its great mouth there was a red paint chip the color of the amk site. Haha. Tomorrow going Bukit Timah. Keep us all safe Lord.

I wish for faith.

Angels

2011-07-28T23:29:00.004+08:00

Went to Val's place today. Amanda, Valerie, Ethel, me. Like last time.

Amanda left after around half an hour? To study for test tomorrow.

We didn't really do much. Farah found Val's Photog keys. Really, thank you so much, Lord. Thank you so much. Thanks so much, Farah. (: We studied, played guitar, chatted. Hope Ethel genuinely likes it. Forgot to see it one last time. Forgot to hug her goodbye.

I don't know. It just felt like total peace. It was fun, to just be in each other's company.

Ethel's friends are counting down to the days when she'll be back in New Zealand. We? We're staring at our empty hands, at the sands of time that have so quickly slipped through our fingers, then looking up to see her turn her back. You'll have her for so long, give her back to us! Like Farah, she said she's gonna bring Ethel back and not let her leave.

Val and Ethel complement each other and Shawn and Amanda match each other. Me? I don't know. Truth be told, sometimes I feel like a loner even while being surrounded by friends. But if they're happy, I'm happy. Wish I could be there for her. If only.

Lord, be there, right there beside her.

We'll be waiting.

Today.

2011-07-28T00:39:00.003+08:00

Argh shucks forgot to write a letter. And it's already 12.40am. Bother.

Anyways.

Mrs Tan lectured us today. Okay a scolding, not a lecture. But it's true. Our class is brilliant. Even Afshin can do excellent as long as he puts in that bit of effort. It's just that we aren't performing up to our standard, we're not making the effort to. Today she checked our tutorials like usual. When it came to me, all she said was, "Rebecca." I looked up at her, and felt like looking down. And all through her scolding I just had to look down. In shame. Because every word is true. Promos just haven't hit us yet. And yes, we must all promote together. The class is already smaller than it is. We can't afford that.

Today we also had out career seminar talks. I went for Lab Research, along with Eleanor, Yiling, Marshall, Darren, Weisong and Qiangwei. It was fun though boring, I mean it was really interesting, what he said. Uni professors are so free! And they teach too! I think I know what I want to be now. A university professor who also does lab research. It's what I had visualised myself to be. It means doing well in Promos, in As, getting a Bachelor degree, a Masters and a Phd, but for now, I'm just gonna focus on fulfilling my dreams of becoming a uni professor. Simple as that, straightforward.

This week's been pretty productive, I'm starting to get my momentum and I sincerely hope I can keep it that way, by God's strength in me. Power from the Father above. And I pray for my da jie's safe flight, for Jenny's safety and fulfillment, and for ZhuoEr's rapid healing and strong recovery. Amen for today. :)

Friends, New friends, Familiar faces.

2011-07-23T17:50:00.003+08:00

Had a BBQ at Eleanor's place to celebrate her birthday! She invited CGeb people, a few Sec4 classmates, childhood friends and a few of us CG peeps. :)

Went there after ODAC, I was supposed to go with Xian Zhi and Simin but turns out Val and Amanda came for me. So I hurried out with them (because Ethel was coming in a taxi to pick us up) and realised I forgot about Simin. So I called Dawn and asked her to pass the phone to Simin, then I told her that I'm going first and blah blah, and she says, huh we're released already, huh go where. And I shouted freaking loudly until everyone at the bus stop stared, OMG YOU'RE NOT SIMIN YOU'RE XIUYUN! OMG!. So embarrassing. -hides face-

So anyway we got there and met Eleanor. Then the four of us sat at a bench and kinda talked, Eleanor was with her CGebs and close friends. Then more came and things just started going and all.

We made friends with Kimberly aka Kimbo and Qianyi, and played this game called 99. Sitting in a circle going clockwise, Val, Qianyi, Kimbo, Amanda, Ethel and myself. Haha it was quite epic. We were at 98, then it was my turn so I played reverse so Ethel's turn, and she plays another reverse and I play another reverse and she played a skip. So poor Amanda had nowhere to go. Another time Ethel played King, which allows you to call out any number. So Amanda smiled, "Ethel.... (:" Haha but nay, Ethel had to say 97 which is impossible to beat, so Ethel brutally killed Amanda again. Haha.

And after that we played hide-and-seek. So we all ran except Amanda and Eleanor. I hid near playground in a dark corner and watched TV, but I got bored quickly so I walked back. Turned out their plan was just to wait for us to come back so I went to find the others. Kimbo believed me quickly, so she went to find Qianyi. And oh gosh I called Ethel and it went something like

Ethel: Helloooo mother.

Me: Haha I'm not your mother. -tells Ethel their plan- Ethel where are you?

Ethel: I'm behind you.

Me: Where? I don't see you.

Ethel: To your right. I'm sticking out my arm. Or is my arm too short.

Me: Yeah I think so. -hears something in the background- Is Val with you? I thought I heard something in the background.

Ethel: No I'm alone. You hear something? Don't scare me eh.

Me: Oh okay nevermind.

So we go on until I said, Okay tell me where you are otherwise I'm gonna hang up and call Val. Ethel: Okay. -I hang up-

Me: Hello Val where are you? -tells Val their plan-

Val: I don't know where I am.

Me: huh are you serious? Omg where are you?

Val: -sounds sad- I don't know and I don't know how to get back. I'm lost.

Me: Huhhh. Uh which way did you run?

Val: I don't know I just ran like a mad dog and I don't know how to get back.

Me: Er.... Do you see any lobby numbers near you?

Val: No. I'm in a green bush and the grass is really wet and gross. Oh I'm near a rock wall.

Me: A rock wall?! Err... Err.... Can you like step out of the bush? Like not hide. I'm running to find you. -runs-

Val: I'm out of the bush I'm in a green bush.

Me: Yeah thanks most bushes are green. -turns around and walks back- Argh Val where are you!!! Okay did you run through the play ground?

Val: I think I did, I can't remember. I just ran like a mad dog and didn't stop.

Me: Err... Okay which way did you turn?

Val: I don't know. I just... Okay I think I'm starting to regain my consciousness. I know how to get back already. Some man told me my friends are on the other side. Okay thanks becca! -hangs up-

And so Ethel was left. So I ran around calling, Ethel, Ethel, Ethel, non-stop. I reached back at the BBQ pit after a whole round but they weren't there yet. So Amanda called Val just as Val walks back. And Ethel came right behind just as I called her. -Relief-

When we were leaving the condo, Ethel said, "Rebecca. I have a confession to make." "Right....."And she tells me that she and Val were together during hide and seek, which is why I heard someone behind. And that she really thought I was nearby because she saw something red. Like my Phobos shirt. HAHAHA. And that Val really wasn't lost. They showed me where they were. Some rock wall, it was just a wall. T.T (Val told me later on the train that she just ran and then hid. And Ethel just followed her. And she honestly thought to call it a rock wall.) So not worth the running.

So anyway on the bus we talked. Haha once Val told Ethel that Amanda tied her hair very prettily for Investiture. Ethel asked her why not today? Val said, because she doesn't want you to fall for her. And Ethel said, the bus vey shaky mah. -.- Nice to know she hasn't changed. And on the ride to MJ the driver didn't know where to go so she directed him the whole way. And they were talking about how the driver should get sunglasses because it was so bright. Haha funny. And while walking to the mrt and on the train Ethel and I talked about her getting a guitar and an electric, about playing a classic and other stuff that I can't remember now. Haha that really was the longest real convo the two of us have ever had together.

Overall it was a great day. Staying away in Chem prac, watching Peng You and Ben Xiao Hai and other students' MVs in CL, Mrs Liang talking to us about Bio MYEs, running 2.4 in ODAC, doing 11.11pm with the 4 of us. Best of all, the 5 of us really got together though most of the time, it was really just the four of us, the original four. But things have changed from when we first started, I was the one on the outside and Ethel was close to Amanda. Now Amanda's kinda weird with Ethel and Ethel and I are more comfortable, same with Amanda and I. Times change and people do too. The only thing that hasn't changed is our names. Ethel, Valerie, Amanda, Eleanor. Love you all.

"Dears" and "jie mei" is such a St Nicks thing, but I like it.

Night into Day

2011-07-22T00:05:00.003+08:00

Had dinner with Ness, Valerie Lim, Cheryl and Nicole Yue today. So happy after that. It felt like time had totally stopped, and only started again when we got up to leave. And stopped agin on the bus home. And started again when we went our separate ways. :D

When I reached Makan Place and found Ness and Val, Ness's friend Eraine and Haojie were there too. Haha it was like Haojie -bag- Eraine Ness Val -space-. So I sat between Val and Haojie. Haha Val and I typed on her lappy when we wanted to comment on stuff that cannot be said out loud. Oh and Haojie said hi to me! But I was taking a casual look to see his face then he saw me so he said hi. Haha then Eraine said, Eh you so bias, you say hi to her never say hi to the two of us, I'm so jealous. HAHA. So Eraine and Val got their hi. When Cheryl came, Haojie said hi too! Haha.

When we went to buy food after Eraine left, we started talking and exchanging stories we heard. Luckily Ness and Haojie were behind a pillar so they couldn't see us. Haojie said we're ding dong. True, true. Welcome to Purity. xD

They dragged me to buy drinks and I literally dragged Nicole while walking back to the table. Then Val said, eh give them some alone time. So my brain thought, Let Ness go buy her food, but then so awkward, him and me at the table. Okay nevermind. So I immediately changed direction. HAHA. We were waiting for Ness to buy food, so we made attempts to try and talk to him. Haha I asked him about the Students' Clubs block and he told me about it and that was the longest stretch of words he said. Haha success! My social skills have improved. :D Besides, Ness says he is like the old me from beginning of '09. Then he had to leave for Violin CCA.

After eating and chatting we camwhored on Yue's Mac, haha it was fun. I am learning to appreciate the art of camwhoring. :) And Ness shared with us her plate of icecream on waffle and fed all of us. Haha awwwwww right. :)

When we left, my bus came so they asked me to run so I did. And after getting on Ness told Val that they actually can take too so they ran up. Ness wanted to take MRT, see. Haha we cannot bear to part so suddenly. Yes so we talked and laughed and talked and laughed. Oh Ness gave me YanYan! :D Happy happy. :)

At Bishan MRT, I hugged Ness and Val. Hugged Ness super hard and long. Oh manz I really couldn't bear to separate, didn't want to let go of my mortal. I'm her guardian angel. :) Haha awww. Then Ness said, ai si ni le. And I was too shy, so I was like, uh, me too same here, haha I don't dare to say. And when they went through the gantry I wanted to say, Ness don't leave me.... But didn't lah haha, oh gosh so les. But Ness and Val are my sisters and my confidents. We realy went through everything together. Lessons, tough times, cluelessness during lessons, common tests, politics in class, breaking and forming of friendships in class, farewells, family problems, emo days, crazy days, slack days, cluttered days, growing, learning, tears and celebrations. Everything. Watched them walk down the stairs to the platform before I turned to walk away. Haha Ness gave me a walau-what-you-still-doing-here expression when they saw me waiting haha.

They've all been such angels to me. Mostly Val and Ness. In particular Ness. All of them took care of me when I was lost in class, when I had no idea who to go for recess with, who to talk to in between periods. Everyone in class did. So now, I'll be their guardian angel whenever they need me. Not that I'm an angel. Haha a very U-grade one. But I really want to make sure we stick together and support each other. Because that's what friends do. And you, you better take care of Ness. If you dare hurt her heart, I'll personally come and find you, you understand? Because people who seem strongest on the outside are in truth the weakest.

Love you, my friends.

Today.

2011-07-18T22:16:00.005+08:00

I have no idea how to find examples for such a philosophical essay. Materialism. Seriously. Does that mean I don't have to do? Haha, oops.

Met Ethel today :) Haha we were in the canteen after school and we wanted to go play tennis. Or at least, Amanda, Valerie, May and Arun did. Then out of nowhere Valerie receives a call and in a panic she presses the phone to my ear. Not knowing what to do when I realised it was Ethel on the other line, I passed the phone to May. Amanda was changing to PE. Anyway so Amanda came back after that and hearing that Ethel was on her way to find us, Valerie ran to change to PE. So we waited. And waited. And Arun says, oh look Ethel's there! Amanda immediately turned! I was starting to freak out so I hesitated before turning, only to find.... no one. No one at all. I wanted to whack Arun with Amanda's racquet. But after a while more someone exclaimed, Ethel! I did not dare to turn. Amanda didn't at first either. But then I saw Amanda smile, so I knew it was true. So I finally turned around, to see her in Phobos tee and her blue school shorts. Valerie wanted to quietly walk up behind her but Ethel glanced behind. Arun told Ethel that Arun had gone home, and Ethel told him to pass the "Hi" on. Then she came to where Manda, Val and I were. Oh gosh my teeth were chattering. We all went to the tennis court.

We waited for racquets and for space in the court, so we just stoned. May, Valerie and Amanda sat on the step, Ethel and I made small talk and Arun watched. Haha. I asked her if she was sick and she said no, I look darker right? I said no, you look... red. And your voice is lower. Ethel cleared her throat and said, puberty. Took pics, then Ethel asked them to get racquets from the PE store instead. So they borrowed and played in the basketball court. Haha Arun is quite good. Ethel and I shot some bballs. Then Ms Choy came and scolded Arun and I. *sheepish* Heheh. Amanda, Val and May played in the court, then Arun walked off to see Funfestique soccer while Ethel and I stoned and made more small talk. She said she's okay now, because there's been time to settle in. And like before she isn't doing her homework. Haha. Then she went to the study benches to find Farah. I was watching Manda play against May and Val when Arun came back. We talked, then after they finished with tennis we all went to the field. I messaged Ethel to tell her. Oh gosh it was so surreal to see a new message from her, it only registered to me on the train home. The match took a while to start so Arun and May wanted to go first. Valerie and Manda had gone to take pics of Pins Protecters. All of us took a pic together then Arun and May left and Amanda went for Tennis. Val took pics while I watched the soccer match. Phobos got 3rd! Christine was playing Pins. Abigail and Yunling were playing Netball. Then Ethel called me so I went to find her at the tennis courts.

We watched Amanda for a while, then we talked a little and went up to the hall to see what was happening. There was floorball and table tennis, Jingyi was overseeing table tennis. Haha Honey Honey and Don't Know Ah. Then we went to the area outside the assembly plaza and watched handball. Nad called Ethel, Rapunzel let down your golden hair. They're so cute together. Ethel walked me to my bag outside the ODAC room, then she passed me chocolates for the 3 of us and for the class. Then we walked to the assembly plaza to find Val. We talked and the two teased each other like before. We took pics with Ethel, haha when I scooched over her shoulder came in hard and fast, I was surprised. Let's go to Val's house! :D And let's have dinner! :D Amanda came over after training and she acted all cool haha. We're all so shy. So cute. :) After that I went home.

Take care of us all, dear Father Lord. This I pray. Watch over these angels that you've sent me.

Angels

2011-07-16T00:39:00.003+08:00

I love my friends.

They make me feel like I count.

Sigh I miss Vanessa. Valerie and Vanessa both like stars, they're both people that I really trust, especially over family matters. Ethel's coming back. I'm not like OMG SHE'S BACK, haha because we've seen her so we know she's safe and well and that's the most important. I wish I could have a nice chat with Vanessa. Really miss her.

And he better treat her nicely. Otherwise he's gonna get it from me. He better protect her heart. And girl, you be safe.

Pushing.

2011-07-12T18:42:00.000+08:00

Wow. I really admire Nicole Chan. One mark away from an A for Maths.

And only 2 years ago, it was F9s. Amazing. Really admirable.

No one in CJ to push her so she's pushing herself. St Nicks was so sheltered.

So why can't I do that too? What's stopping me? What's stopping me from getting an S in the next test?

I don't know. Fear maybe.

Guess I've never really gotten up after that hard fall. It took me 4 days to truly smile again.

Still, I want to do it. No trying, there is no second chance, you can't turn back time.

Guiding Spirit.

2011-07-10T01:19:00.003+08:00

I miss being in Guides.

It was a place where everyone and anyone belonged.

Where everyone was loved by their sisters-in-Guiding and taken care of by their seniors and where everyone looks out for their juniors.

No matter how forgotten I felt, I knew I was remembered.

That's the beauty of it all.

2011-07-10T01:00:00.002+08:00

Cried quite hard today. But much more at peace now. :) Mainly because I spent most of the day in my room doing work and because it's night now.

Convinced myself to do work using what Mrs Tan said, to turn your sadness into work. Didn't think much of it when I first heard it, but it's true. It's true. Helps you to shift your mind off the world and fully concentrate on your work. And to find a hiding spot, a safe haven from the world. Haha it's a good excuse to avoid your parents too.

Anyway, Ethel's coming back soon. :) She's coming back soon. :) And everyone's excited, everyone's happy, just thinking about it. Haha.

Meanwhile, I'm still wondering, where I stand in my clique. If it was the old me from Sec 2, I would have gotten out long ago, run away.

Everyone seems so much stronger than I am. I've grown weak. Sanjie told me that I give good encouragements, genuine ones. And I wonder, really? Or is it just as encouragement? Or am I encouraging people so that they'll be strong and I'll be able to lean on them?

So cynical.

But everyone seems to have succeed where I failed, where I fell the hardest from.

Got to pull myself together for church tomorrow. Come on.

Chen Zhong.

2011-07-07T17:33:00.002+08:00

Sigh so depressed now. But I mustn't let that drag me down. No.

Okay fine, the 4 Us were expected. Wanted to study hard but can't find the motivation or reason to. And so tired and sick of it.

But GP essay! All my hopes were pinned on it. Seeing how I've passed the last few. But yeah, it was really not clear. Very. Smoking my way through with solids. Wasted.

Fear of failing, and you will fail.

Turn your sadness into work, it's more about how you take it than what happened. Hang tough, finish strong. It's not the end of the world.

2011-07-06T23:54:00.002+08:00

Can't wait for Friday. Dragon boating! :)

Though I wish I could go for ODAC and spring clean the ODAC room. Just like packing the Den. :) Haha actually unpacking the old Den and organizing the new. We weren't allowed into the Den. I miss that.

Sat is coming. :) And time to hunt for presents.

2011-07-05T18:27:00.001+08:00

Time to work! :D

Quite happy actually, 'cause it's MI!!! :D So fun! Can't wait to solve a math question! :D

Today is Sunday. :)

2011-07-04T01:25:00.004+08:00

Counting my blessing, name them one by one.

Count my blessings, see what God has done.

Failure isn't who God says you are. Accepting that you have to work harder than the rest to buck up, that's believing that God is bigger and being assured by who I am. God gave us gifts in different proportions, no? :)

Thank God that Genevieve is safe. Thank God she is well, our beloved sister. For once, our bench is full again. :) I do miss standing next to her during worship and her hugs. Be safe, my dear one.

And as always, I seem to play the mother figure or guardian angel kinda thing haha.

2011-07-03T15:35:00.001+08:00

In the reminiscent mood now. Daydreams and stoning.

Outer peace.

Building walls inside.

Friends.

2011-06-30T12:43:00.003+08:00

Oovoo-ing with Amanda, Eleanor, Ethel and Valerie now!

Haha I'm so amused!!! Oh gosh. Ethel seemed really amused at first too haha. The other 3 have done it before.

Anyway. This is so amusing!!!!! Hahaha. The random things we say.

Nice to see Ethel and Lizzy again. Lizzy and her jokes haha.

Happy Birthday Ethel. :)

2011-06-27T17:16:00.001+08:00

Just to keep count....

89 planes!

EDIT: okay 90 now. and my mum asked why i keep looking out of the window when a plane flies by, am i trying to see someone on that flight? my brother laughed at me. -.- sad face, whatever kays. :(

2011-06-23T00:58:00.002+08:00

83 planes!

Anyway. I really need to keep my sights on God and not on earthly things.

Think I'll ask Tim how he feels about Sehwoon and I being coheads once Ben has talked to him about the Comm. I'll need him to tell me what went on last year and it's only right since he's J1 too.

No matter what.

God willing. I just got to do my job well and to the best of my abilities.

Today.

2011-06-19T23:00:00.002+08:00

Whee BS with Pearlyn!! Haha though something felt a little off, but it was gone in a short while. She looked so worn out inside but all fresh on the outside. Genuinely. And contradictory. But's its wonderful to know that she's fine. :) And everyone is sick haha. Heal us, my Lord. :)

Omg Danielle and Chia Ling are on a mission trip in Cambodia! Hope they'll remain safe, Lord, oh please. Please please please. And that Abby will be safe too, no injuries.

Glad I got to talk to Laura again today. :) Haha aww she has a bf now. Oh yeah quite a while actually. I realise haha. But it was nice to talk, and she seemed better after BS. :) Zonked before that haha. And every time I see her it's like *sigh*. But at least now she has something to look forward to! :) So press on!

Oh yeah, caught 82 planes to date.

I love Sundays. :D

Angel

2011-06-18T20:13:00.003+08:00

Class chalet coming soon! Haha 4P '10!!!

I wonder if they asked the teachers if they wanted to come by. I miss MsP. :(

And and. I really miss Rasey Tannnn! AHH oh gosh haha don't know whyyyyy. She's the second person in class whom I miss, first was Kimberly Yang An. Haha. Really miss Rasey. But I doubt she's coming. Everyday, I see her beside me during morning assembly and in front of me during lessons and Os. AWkward silence, but I wanted to make conversation with her. Always thought she might be an I, until we did the test and she was an S. And my perspective on her changed. But I've always admired her for her faith, how strong her faith is. Indeed, age matters not. I saw that through her. No need to fear how others see you or judge you by your faith, it's your relationship with God that matters more, matters most.

Hope she is well, hope she is happy where she is. She's a wonderful person if you can see to her heart. :) Hope she is spiritually well and hot, Lord you'll be by her side, wouldn't you? God willing.

2011-06-17T01:19:00.002+08:00

GIVE THANKS TO THE LORD, OUR GOD AND KING, HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER!

Lika tired bird now. I wanna be on a spiritual high all the way until Youth Camp! Gotta start preparing too!

Oh yes a possible game: Christian pictionary cards!

Think i'll be able to handle Logs this year? :)

Your daughter.

Recall. Restore. Renew.

2011-06-14T11:13:00.005+08:00

Too tired to post yesterday...

Day3

We went down to find the youth sitting outside chatting with Rev Poon. We went in slightly late for morning devotion so we missed Amos' first sentence. Haha. So morning devotion was about the transitions we go through in life, that we should focus on God and things above instead of worrying about worldly things. For me it was a reminder that we are in this world but not of this world. Then we shared in threes what spoke to us during morning devotion, what we have learned so far. Jonas went with Serene and Jasmine while I did with Ben and Jon. Amos joined us. Then we prayed in a circle, prayed for prayer requests and thanksgivings. Breakfast.

Worship was led by Tim, whoo go high! :D Then we had Sermon 4: Restoring Our Passion and was based on the passage John 21: 15-17. Go read it! Really liked this sermon. :) Sat between Jasmine and small Daniel, beside Jasmine was Danielle. During the sermon Jasmine and Danielle used the chair as a table. Sermon was about rekindling our love for Christ and our passion for Him and that we should strive to love Him agapao - unconditional love instead of our current phileo - love between friends. Find it wonderful, that He accepts who we are, where we are in our love and in life, and is willing to work on it patiently until we can bear fruit. Also learned that if we love Christ, we should love and serve the people of His Church as well since the two go together. The Son of God and His Bride. During the sermon, Danielle mimed to me: Do you love Christ? I paused to consider, and my answer was, and is, yes. Yes I do love Christ. I truly do. Then we had discussion, which went pretty well. :D We shared of times when we lost our passion for God and when we lost our passion to serve Him. It was a reminder to me of something that Sarah Ong my Angel had told me in a letter: that we are called to love the unlovables, hard though it may be. Matthew 22: 37-40! Closed in prayer (thanks for the encouragement Tim), then went for lunch.

Sermon 5: Living Radically for God. It wasn't very applicable to us youth, but proud to say that almost all of us stayed awake. :D Yup so it was about having a threefold commitment. A radical commitment to God, hearing and obeying Him and loving Him from the inner core of our whole being. A radical commitment to God's Word, obeying its doctrines and learning its precepts and inscribing them on our hearts. And of course, a radical commitment to passing on His Word to the next generations, to impress them on their hands and foreheads all the time of the day. Discussion was okay, but I want to pray for Terence, that God will give him strength in the face of persecution and rejection and judgement by others. Went down for Q&A like usual. I asked Serene whether parental love is conditional love and she said yes, we agreed that unconditional love is like an asymptote, you can tend towards it but never touch it. Then we had photo taking again and for individual groups. Then during tea break Jasmine and I went to paste pink envelopes around the main block and the first level of Trendy block, after which we all gathered at Friendly room.

Yep so its basically Hide and Seek girls vs guys. Guys have balloons tied to their legs and have to hide and run around finding the envelopes. After collecting the envelopes, they have to use the clues inside to solve the puzzle. The girls have balloons with 2 bells inside, tied to our wrists. The girls have to run around and pop the guys balloons. Guys whose balloons are popped have to return to the "jail". Haha half of the time I was just standing at the staircase outside the main room waiting for the guys to come. But I kinda got bored, so I went down, only to find Ben with his new balloon tight higher up, so 4 girls chased after him while he hopped away at high speeds. Haha but they got him eventually. I went after Ryan but let him go haha. Then Jonas and I went after Alex in the gym, while Jon and another guy were doing weights inside. Got quite violent, since Alex is quite tall and Jonas had a badge pin. Yup so in the end the girls won because the guys couldn't find all the envelopes in time. Haha and now no one knows what the clues are. Some of us stayed and wrote letters.

Was going to go back already when Jasmine ran up to me and told me to run and find Aunty Sam, it was a first-aid matter. So I ran and found her at one of the tables that were set up for dinner. She told me that Alex had hurt his hand and described to me. Seems that his hand hurts around the joints when he tries to move it, but it's okay when he's not moving it. I described to her what had happened in the gym. Oh I mentioned to her yesterday that I know first-aid too when Gabby got hurt in the eye area. She had sent Alex to shower first because he was all sweaty haha. Aunty Elsie and Uncle Chin Piaw (both are Doctor Lee) were MIA. Alex came down with his hand in an awkward position and it was slightly swollen, seemed like a sprain. Was about to do an elevated arm sling when Aunty Elsie and husband came. Aunty Elsie used the roller bandage to set his hand in position so there wasn't a need for a sling. By then the dinner had started so I rushed up to change. Jonas and I went down together.

Dinner was okay, we sat at the girl's table with Kayla, Kate, Valerie, Abby, Aiyun, Jasmine, Danielle and, yes, my dad. Serene, Debbie and Gabby sat at the guy's table. When the hotel's live band came to our table, my dad asked for the song Nobody by Wondergirls. They stood right behind Jasmine so she started doing all those wave hand actions hahahah. After we had eaten, we did this mime of You Raise Me Up because it was being performed by the band on stage on the other side. Haha Danielle video-ed it! FUNNEHHHH.

After that everyone moved up to the main room for Finale Night: ORPC's Got Talent! Theme of the night was Musicals! Each team is given a biblical scene and a song that goes with the scene. Unity and Victory were combined and Power was on its own since there is an odd number of teams. Jonas and Serene started praying that we'll get a Korean song (Serene added: so that Jonas can dance). Yes so our team got Queen Sheba and King Solomon (1 Kings 10) and the song was.... Nobody! Hahahaha prayers answered! But it was quite a tough scene because there wasn't much happening in the passage. Power got the scene of worshiping the golden calf, bollywood song. Haha oh the other group that got Nobody had the scene Adam and Eve eating the fruit and then being banished out. Uncle Benjamin was Adam and when they were playing the music to let us get an idea at the start, he gave a hilarious preview of trying to hide his... yeah. Gabby was so embarrassed haha. Oh and Uncle Chin Piaw was the Adam's Apple, which is the forbidden fruit! Must say, Laura's grandpa is so cool and looks so young! Haha their team's scene was Samson and Delilah, and her grandpa Wilson was Delilah and he used his shirt as a veil such that he revealed his belly. And he wrapped a towel around as a skirt, but it kinda dropped to reveal his butt (he wore his pants inside) as he was shaking, and quite well too. Haha and he got one of the two Best Dancer Award! Esther got the other for her demon-possessed act.

At the end, we stuck around for a while and everyone had a photography session with my sister haha. Tim hinted at us J1s and at Ben to start getting ready for youth camp because we'll be the main comm. Yayy youth camp! :D Then Abby and I took a photo togetherrrr! And Ben and Abby and I took a Congre Care pic! Yes so we went to shower and then crashed Tim's room again. Tammy, Serene Goh, Felix and Huishan were there too! Felix and Huishan shared how he proposed and Tim shared his too. Haha poor Huishan being blindfolded at the Equinox! Then I went to sit with Danielle at the balcony door and wrote a letter to Abby. Jonas studied, then after that we just played. Haha when Serene Lim called Daniel Goh picked it and pretended to be those autoreply machines. "For English, please press one. Qing yong hua yu, qing an er. Sorry, this is an invalid answer. Sorry, there is no such person." Haha then after Serene said she was looking for Serene Goh's room number, Daniel said "Sorry there's no Leticia Goh here, only have Leticia Wong. Sorry, there's not Leticia Goh, the only maid here is Leticia Wong. " Then he passed it to Jonas, who did her "Good morning Ma'am, good morning sir, my name is Leticia and I am a maid." And her heysho heysho. Haha all of us were silently laughing in the background hahahahaha. Anyway, Danielle, Daniel, Kane and I played Pictionary Cards. Aiyun, Abby, Bell, Ben crowded in the shoes area listening to music. Serene mostly watched us play on the bed with Jasmine sitting on her back watching TV. Jonas and Jonathan watched TV. Debbie and Gabby and Adeline played with iTouchs and then left early. Oh for one moment all the Sec1s crashed as well and there was ZERO space to walk around so they went back to Ryan's room.

Day4

We went to bed at around 3.30. And next morning I woke up when the alarm rang at 8, off-ed it and went back to sleep. Even Jonas the light sleeper didn't wake up. At 9.13 am the phone rang. It was Jasmine, calling us to wake us up, pack up. Later on we heard her knocking on Rei Hrn's door before she came to our door. Thank you so much, Jasmine, and so so sorry! Luckily we caught the adults who were in charge of luggage just as they were leaving for the main room. Ran up to Friendly. Late. :( Tim told us that he was just scolding the Sec1s and 5 mins later we walked in. Sorry. Haha Amos commented that soon we can't stay up late anymore (that we're getting old).

We watched certain scenes from Prince Caspian, the first was Lucy spotting Aslan across the gorge. The second was when she went to find Aslan and the petals formed a nymph's figure. The third one is the battle, when Lucy raced to find Aslan and he came and called the trees and the water into battle. That things never happen the same way twice. Yes so when God doesn't seem to be there, we should seek Him and wait on Him patiently because He will come when we call Him. And then we watched the MV I Refuse by Josh Wilson. Headed back to main room for debrief, then lunch.

I sat with Aiyun, Abby opposite me and Jasmine to my right. Tim went to sit with his parents at the table next to ours. Aiyun commented that Jenny is a lucky girl, which is really true. And Jenny deserves it too. :) Haha for some reason when Serene went back to her seat at the table diagonal from ours she patted my head. And a few minutes later Jonas did the same. Haha aww guys. Then Ben, Serene and Tim came over and we started on the topic of crushes in church. Jasmine and Ben exchanged their crushes. Haha they tried to get it out of me but I couldn't say.

On the bus to the ferry terminal Jasmine, Jonas and I commented on how Ben's crush is his kind of gal. Then at the terminal Abby asked me about mine so I told her heehee.

As we passed through immigrations I talked to Tammy and found that she wasn't as scary as I thought haha. But so cool, Tim + Tam = TimTam! Haha plus one older brother. Sat at the bottom deck with Jonas and Jon and Abby, Ben and Serene in the row in front. Listened to their convo, Abby talked about the guys whom she knew liked her before, Ben showed us his class photo. Jasmine came down so I went up. Stood there for a while, then Aiyun passed me napkin letters so I went down to pass them to Jon and Jonas. Jasmine came to me and dragged me away to tell me that when Ben asked who my crush was, she and Abby were stunned and laughed. :S So Jas and I went up, then after sleeping while standing up Jasmine went down to sleep. Danielle spotted a plane so I caught it! Haha then we caught 9 more planes after that! :D Haha Danielle ate them right out of the sky haha. After a while I went down. Found Jasmine sitting on Serene's lap so I listened in on their convo. Haha I could only hear Jasmine. After a while we reached Spore! Passed through customs and immigrations and went home just as Abby instructed, but I didn't sleep haha.

Overall, I wouldn't say that it was fun and full of games for us youth, but the activities gave us opportunity to really bond with our friends and form new friendships. The fellowship and friends were just AWESOME and I want to thank everyone for the WONDERFUL time we had together. Hope we'll be able to maintain our spiritual high all the way until Dec's youth camp! And most of all, THANK YOU GOD. :D

Recall. Restore. Renew.

2011-06-12T17:43:00.004+08:00

Church Camp 2011! :D

Theme of camp this year was Living Radically for God: Recall, Restore, Renew. And it was at Harris Resort, Batam. Theme verse is from 1 Peter 1: 15, "But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do..." Theme song was the hymn I Have A Deep Supreme Desire.

Not many youths came this year and half of them were Sec1s, it was quite hard for the youths to relate to the sermon as well, so I guess it was okay. But still, it was indeed refreshing as well as a wonderful time of fellowship. :D Oh yeah Indonesia is an hour behind Singapore, so we were an hour younger there haha.

Team Unity! Yayy! :D Group leader Jasmine, Aiyun, Jonas, Terence, Kayla, Ryan, Rei Hrn and myself.

The other teams were Group Victory (led by Serene) and Power (led by Danielle). The youth program, in other words the activities during recreational time and workshops, were mainly organised by Serene, Jasmine and Danielle, Abigail helped. :)

Day1

At the ferry terminal, I talked to some youths and got to know Aiyun better. The ferry ride was quite boring, but it was enjoyable. (: Standing in a corner and enjoying the wind with everyone, especially with Abigail. Then I talked to Danielle and Aiyun. Haha Jonas wanted to be cool and hung on to Danielle's sunglasses. When we reached the terminal, we took the bus to the hotel. Had our camp briefing, icebreakers and went for lunch.

Came back to the main room, then we had worship and sermon. Sermon 1 was about re-examining our life's priorities and how putting God first Discussion was good, but... well. Kinda hard to get the Sec1s to focus and listen. Went down for Q&A, collected our key cards and checked in. (: I roomed with Jonas, as we always do. After dinner we had "Don't Forget the Christian Lyrics!" Kane and Daniel Goh were the hosts of the evening. I was the first to represent our group but I had no idea what the answer to the question was. Haha tried to get someone else to go up the next round but the Sec1s bullied me into staying in the chair. Kane laughed at me. Lols haha.

Then the youths went to Smiley, one of the kids' rooms, and played games as icebreakers! Played Monopoly deal, Pictionary (cards version), Boggle Slam and.... something else. We ended slightly early, because the next 2 days were packed. Had to make sure the Sec1s got the message to go and SLEEP instead of staying up and playing.

Day2

Forgot to set my phone to Batam time so Jonas and I woke up an hour earlier. So we studied for half an hour, then we went to disturb Ben and Jonathan in their room. Haha Ben looked so ruffled, it was quite funny. Then we went to knock on Danielle and Aiyun's room. Danielle answered the door with one hand and the kettle in the other. Then Jonas and I went down to Smiley room and studied while waiting for morning devotion to start. Morning devotion was about how we should seek to imitate God. Shalln't touch more on it, got my booklet to refer to. (: Then we had breakfast.

Worship was led by Serene, gave her a message. :) Sermon was about who we are as A PEOPLE. That we are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God. Personally, it was a reminder that our main purpose in life is to worship God, a lesson that Pearlyn taught me. Discussion was just as good, really thank Him that Jasmine is my group leader. (: And I guess it's a good chance to learn to build up a reserve of patience. (: Shalln't say more. Love does not bear grudges. Haha. But I shall try.

Had lunch, then sermon. Sermon 3 was about how we should strive to fulfill God's calling instead of living a life in futility. Discussion was kinda hard because it wasn't very applicable to the younger Sec1s so... we kinda cut it short. Then we youths made use of the tea break to change into swimwear, finished blowing up the way down. First we played Captain's Ball with water bombs, then we played with giant Lego bricks. We had to swim out in relay fashion and find a Lego brick of our color. Terence, Jonas and Aiyun didn't play and Jasmine was in charge so Joshua joined us to make up for our numbers. Had to try and get them to follow the rules. Then we had a rematch, with one player from each team on a float pointing out where the blocks are. After that we just randomly played with the plastic balls. Haha at the start we just had a friendly competition where everyone tried to collect as many balls as possible. Hahaha Abigail used her shirt, Belle used her top and Serene just used her arms and looked so cute! Haha like YanDi! (: Tried to teach Abby how to swim breast-stroke but I couldn't, so she stuck to her freestyle. Abby, teach me freestyle! Some left, some stayed behind to play Captain's Water Polo.

We went for dinner and as usual, my sister would come and find me and the other youths at the table would play with her and watch out for her. Thanks, my friends! (: Oh I can't remember when, but she called Jonathan as Michael Jackson and she said Kane was handsome. Haha ego boost! (: Haha Jasmine and I always talk about exchanging sisters or her borrowing my sister for a day.

After dinner was workshop, we youth had our own in our Friendly room. We had youth worship, which was led by Adeline with Amos on the guitar. It was wonderful. We jumped, we sang. Workshop was led by Amos and was about prayer and studying the Bible! (: It was really good, and one that was greatly needed. We all pass through the phase of learning how to and gaining confidence in praying, in fact I still am. Okay so first we did this activity called Coloured Room. We randomly split into 4 groups, ours had Joshua as our leader, Ben K, Aiyun, Belle and myself. We went to Jasmine's station first. Our task was to each choose an article from the Home section and an article from the World section and write a brief note on a post-it about it. Then we had to go around and share, noting down everyone's in turn. But we ran out of time so only Ben and Aiyun shared. Oh Ben did an article about a white Kiwi bird, not albino! Amazing, life and death.

Yes so we moved on to Danielle's station, where we read Psalms 98 (i think), then we wrote on a post-it our thanksgiving. Ben and Aiyun paired up, Joshua, Belle and I tripled and we shared then silently prayed for each other. Then Serene's station! Okay so we had 4 post-its stuck together vertically. Serene did it too. First we wrote our name, then a quality of God (we had faithful, cornerstone, listener and others), one thing we have learned from the sermons and something we want others to help us pray for. Then we passed it to our left and prayed for the person on the right. So it went Serene-Aiyun-me-Ben-Belle-Joshua, who prayed for Belle. Oh we were all standing on this big square of newspapers, which shows our common ground! And then we pasted our post-its on the newspaper. Then Tim's station! Okay so first on the top half of our post-it we wrote the sins that were part of who we are as a person, sins we wanted to commit to God, then at the bottom we wrote steps we wanted to take to solve it. Then we crushed them and threw them into Kane's hat, along with the rest's. Second part! Amos taught us some techniques on how we can read the Bible! So first pray about it, then ask questions about it and then talk about it. (:

At night, we all went to Tim's room since he was staying alone. The Sec1s gathered at another room. We had Timtams and milo! :D Haha Kane let me have some of his milo, thanks! :D Though my timtam melted with the super hot milo haha. Somehow only guys can do it properly, thus the new phrase: Guys suck! Haha then we all watched Ninja on star movies, I started doing my Chem MCQ and Jonas got stressed out by me so she started studying. Haha and we learned that "Ayo!" means "Let's go!" Kept using it the next day haha. Sleep!

Shall blog more another time, too tired.

Study break

2011-06-05T23:18:00.002+08:00

Haha not holiday, study break! Therefore cannot slack!

But so busy, this hols, especially coming week.

Monday, buying scrapbook stuff for current cca, then going back to visit my ex-cca for their camp.

Tuesday, PW, try to visit again on my way home.

Wednesday to Saturday, CHURCH CAMP FTW. :D

Haha fell asleep while doing bio notes, then woke up and went to sleep on my sis's bed. Dreamt of Val, Amanda and Arun I think. Shall try to remember the dream again.

Just keep pushing. I am going to this, because God gives me strength.

Angels.

2011-05-29T21:42:00.002+08:00

Quite true, what you said today. Even while making new friends, opening up our worlds, we need to turn back and maintain our old friendships.

Guess I'm not really good at that. At the end of Pri school, I only had one friend worth really keeping. Everything just ended there. So I don't really know how to keep it up, to ensure that our friendship never ends. I'm sorry.

Though frankly, I did feel kinda left out today. I think Cheok does too, from time to time.

Worried as well, that my friendships this year will fall apart. We don't talk much anymore, along the corridors. Instead of the 4 of us, it's starting to feel more like 3 + 1. And I guess because of that, I'm shutting myself off. I know, that my walls are going up again, that I'm isolating myself with no intention of knocking them down from within. Guess this is a normal part of my friendships, that once I feel disregarded, that's it I'm out. Time for my own company. Walls. They say that walls are there for friends who are willing to break them down with their heart. That the higher and thicker the walls, the greater and truer the friend is. I trust you. I'm gonna try to get through this, and I trust that you'll be there for me, chiseling away at the other side. Though I am quite amazed, that you knew that I was going to say out loud that I feel left out. Bffs are amazing and I don't know what I did to deserve such a friendship.

Thank you, to all my friends. Angels.

2011-05-29T00:34:00.002+08:00

I want to study GP now, but can't seem to take the step forward.

Sigh RAH. Sighh.

So negative nowadays. Whatever happened to my positive Mg2+ ions. Gone with the wind. All that conviction I had during that period, all gone. Shit. Freak. All the motivation. All the strength and stubbornness to not give in. Stubbornness to keep pushing. Not just pushing me, but pushing everyone along. And in the end I was the one who screwed O levels up. F-ed the whole thing up. Sorry but yeah. Screw you. Me, I mean. Screw you.

I guess then I wasn't trying my best. Nope, not at all. Maybe because I kept telling myself that you will tired out if you do and I didn't want to be so tired. Maybe because I kept telling myself that if I gave it my all and in the end got disappointed, it would be worse. Maybe because I kept telling myself that I don't know what my best is, how to give it my best. Now all I can tell myself is to don't give up and that I should just give up. That I have no strength left after the wounds. That I should just go and die. Nay I wouldn't actually do it, if I did I must be totally unaware of what was doing. I have nothing left. Not just falling off the cliff but sinking into the darkness of the hole. What am I doing with my life?

Stamping on it. Pull yourself together. Though there's nothing available to pull together. Pull yourself together. I pray. Push on. Amen.

2011-05-27T23:39:00.002+08:00

Love the silence of the night.

S' been quite a tough time for me. So many tutorials, end up going to school and copying everything. Half I understand, the rest are just copied blindly. Want to stay up to do but always end up falling asleep by 12.30. Bad mood. Ethel's all the way in NZ, now it's just the four of us so I'm always left out. Can't say it's not normal, even in Purity or at home. Especially at home.

But anyway. Glad Vally's coping now. I need to catch up. Wish someone could be there for Ethel. I can't be of help, I know. Hope she can webcam with someone soon, anyone.

Today was good. :) Yup. Hope you didn't get jealous when I said "best friend". You must know that after my first best friend in Pri school, you're the first one in St Nicks whom I could really relate to. Haha yeah my conditions to call someone my best friend is really really high. I think in truth, I only have 2 best friends and 2 friends that I can relate closely to. There's one that I can't really say whether I can relate to or not. But yeah today was good. :) So thank you, for today. :) Love you dear.

2011-05-22T23:17:00.002+08:00

Just so sick of everything. Of everything.

Now, it's so rare to get a chance to talk to my bff.

So sick of everything. Really want to just let everything go and fall apart.

But I can't, because there's so much unfinished work that I can't leave behind.

Yet it's because of all the work that I'm going crazy with stress.

I never know I'm stressed until I hit my limits.

I'm not tired.

Just sick of it and irritated and frustrated at my own uselessness.

Stupid.

Freaking failure.

Lonely is my friend.

2011-05-21T23:52:00.003+08:00

Feel like stretching out on the bed, plugging in and let the world pass by.

That was possible last year.

Miss having you around. So at least I wouldn't be lonely when the other three are in their own circle. So I guess where we are now, we are both lonely. One in an unfamiliar environment, one in a place that is like home. Haha but the past few days, one hasn't been very..... nice. So the circle kinda separated and I was the..... substitute. Traveling home lesser with her, really miss doing that. Sigh. We're all tired I guess. But I know there's more to it than that. But I rather believe that we're just tired. Though if the problem is me, I would prefer to know.

And yes I know you don't miss me haha. You have no reason to.

Really want to stone. Wish my bff would call so we could have a nice long chat on the phone. Then again, my phone batt's dying. Shit manx. Funny but I wanna be lonely.

The battle against life is always a losing one. Face it. But no choice, you still have to keep moving, still have to keep pushing. On and on and on.

Two things.

2011-05-16T20:47:00.002+08:00

It's been 3 weeks now.

Expose was the toughest shit ever. Seriously. ODAC just screws your life. Haha but no denying that it was good, that we came out stronger, faster, harder. Chen hao's a surprisingly good navigator, Nicholas and him are great cyclists. And I find that after memorising a route, my sense of direction is quite good. Haha map is so tiny but thank goodness for gut instincts. The last part, we were totally zombified at 5 am. Lumyi was sleepwalking, so we held hands while I tried to set the pace for our brisk walk. Haha oh we saw a rainbow! Yong chen spotted it, though it was faint. But beautiful. We kept going, even when we knew we had no hope of being first. Hope when all is gone. Such a wonderful thing.

Got this weird shaped graze on my elbow, quite bad. Sigh.

Sad, to know that life ain't being that nice to you. No use telling you that I've been there before, that you'll survive in the end, that everything will get better eventually. Because it doesn't help and I know that I have no way to help. Plus even if you tell yourself all that, you wouldn't believe it. Words aren't what you need, friends are. Friends that you truly trust and love. Familiar, friendly faces. Yes, loneliness is a passing phase. No one knows how long it will be. Mine was 2 and a quarter years. Hopefully yours will be much shorter. Thankfully I was used to loneliness, which isn't a very good sign haha. At least it helps! But yes, it will end. It will end. Meanwhile, you have to be alert and open to any signs. Really open. And pray. Prayer works miracles.

Amen for an angel.

2011-05-11T21:54:00.001+08:00

好想你。。。

I need to sleep.

11.11 and Airplanes

2011-05-09T18:15:00.002+08:00

Yayy happened to see my phone at 11.11 and managed to make a wish. So happy. :D Didn't actually wish for something tangible, it was just a mix of feelings of hope. But still. :)

Catching 100 planes is like making a dream come true; you may never make it. I mean, 100 ain't a small number! And you hardly see airplanes in the sky. But each one you catch is like a new hope, hopes to reach that 100 mark and be entitled to make a wish. Hope. Is so important. Everyone needs it. It's a necessity.

And 11.11 wishes. Sure, they may never come true. Ever. But if you don't make your wish, you'll never know whether it will or not. And making your wish kinda motivates you to fulfill that wish. Just so that it comes true.

So why not keep at it?

2011-05-07T21:35:00.002+08:00

Quite nice, sibling-sibling time.

Anw.

Sigh. Rawr. I miss talking to her. And wanna have a nice long chat with you like we did on the past. Having a good laugh, having fun while the world passes by.

Accountable to so many people. I can't let them down.

And still time passes... Been two weeks now.

Gotta pick up the pace.

2011-05-07T00:37:00.001+08:00

Oh I wish,

How I do wish.

Humility

2011-05-05T18:53:00.003+08:00

Dare I say that I had a chat with God on the bus home?

I asked Him if you'll be fine. He said that you'll be alright. But I've got to keep praying. After all, He likes it when I do.

Indeed, I want to keep praying. I have to stay strong for all of us. And I want to live by my 5 values. Integrity, Trust, Friendship, Faith, Simplicity. I like Mr Cheng's definition of Humility: Recognising that you're not that strong, not that perfect, not that right. I want to exercise humility this year and strengthen integrity. And be able to do one pull-up. :)

2011-05-02T21:13:00.002+08:00

If I have time I'll blog about Mt Ophir trip. Just thank goodness we all came back in one piece with no sprains.

Today had CIP, but super slack. After that 3 of us went to T3 and did a bit of work. Aviation Gallery again. San jie and I went home together, er jie had a chauffeur heehee. Must say, the ride home was really enjoyable and good. :)

Miss da jie. Miss her silent steady presence. Hope you guys are fine.

In spite of what we've had to go through, I know I've been greatly blessed. So thank you, God.

Whee!

2011-04-28T19:33:00.002+08:00

Going Mount Ophir tomorrow! SCARED.

Ahhhhhhhhh!

Okay chill manz you've got God on your side.

I love train rides home. Thank you, san jie! :)

Oh God, I pray that You'll let the sun shine and send heat energy to that side of the world. Please? :)

Oh and please keep all of us safe and prevent us from getting sick, especially with malaria. And keep us strong. :) And maybe catch many planes? :D

And that we wouldn't cry. :)

God be with us all. Emmanuel. :)

Wednesday

2011-04-27T21:39:00.002+08:00

Gosh the previous post so emo. Haha heh.

Ethel and her family arrived safely. Just like what her friend said, amen. Indeed, thank you, my Lord.

Think I'm falling sick. Help me pray that I wouldn't fall sick? Got an expedition to Mount Ophir, Malaysia on Friday. Think I'm forgetting that you're you and I'm me.

I've got to keep my spirits up this week, or I'll drag the rest of them down. Smile. Shuqi posted. Smile! It will make you look better. Pray, it will keep you strong. Love, it will make you enjoy life.

Amen. Indeed, all I can do is to pray. I don't know how else or what else to do. Helpless, so all you can do is pray. And pray your worries and troubles away and let them fly up to Him on the colorful wind.

God bless you!! :)

It's Monday, Monday, Gotta get down on Monday ~

2011-04-25T21:42:00.003+08:00

Woke up at..... 7 am. Gotta have cereal.

But of course, no time already haha. Chionged out in record time. My dad sent me to school, thank goodness. Did some work for him on his lappy while in the passenger seat, got giddy just as I was finishing up and reaching school. Just late by a minute. Sigh.

The DSA dance girls and MCS girls danced their performance for the JC1s in the hall, they were AWESOME. Then had NAPFA 5 stations. 44 sit-ups, 173 for SBJ, 11 pull-ups, 11.7 for shuttle run, 32~ for sit and reach. Not bad, broke past records. :) Woah Nad did 21 pull-ups. Don't want to get in a fight with her. xD

Learned that there's NSW Science tomorrow after school, and Valerie, Amanda and Bernice had signed up. Plus the 302 clique had heats at 5+ and Amanda had cheerleading. DREAD. D: Horrid horrid horrid. And Val learned that she had problems with her PI. More DREAD. Sigh both of us wanted to tear already.

AAAAAnyway, Ethel came! :)))))))) Sho happy. SOOO HAPPY! :D Wearing school skirt and house tee. We were at the foyer when we called her and she was at the Atrium and on her way. Gosh she took soooo long, Eleanor and I wanted to run across the assembly plaza for her. Then she appeared! Eleanor ran to hug her and I was right behind. This time, I made sure I hugged her tight. Val came down soon after, shy smile on her face. We talked for a short while then Ethel went down to the canteen to wait for Nad and Val, Yiling and Xianzhi went for Kbox. Amanda and I almost got pulled in but withdrew soon, since she had CCA.

2011-04-23T21:58:00.002+08:00

You know, I take back what I said in the previous post. It's not that I've been through more of that. More likely that you have held on longer, stronger.

I'm loving angels instead...

2011-04-23T15:59:00.004+08:00

Rawr stupid. Irritated at myself. Spoil all the pics. And the last one with the five of us, i wasn't prepared. Stupid.

Feel left out at times. But what can I say? It ain't fine but I guess I'm used to it.

Just like how we're used to getting all the blame. Can't even say a word at home. Just one word and you get scolded. Haha seems I have more experience than you in this manner. Lucky girl. Indeed, I'm always the one arrowed. Because I'm the oldest child. Because I'm a girl. So what? The other person has two hands, two feet, a brain and a heart too. Why does it matter so much?

(Wait I take it back. Maybe more occasions of being displaced. But you held on longer, stronger. Built more and thicker walls. Before bursting.)

So many holes in the target board. Like the guy who walked right through a battlefield and came out bloody with strips of skin and flesh just hanging on to the rest of him, flapping in the wind. Yet still walking.

After a while, you tell yourself that you don't care. But at the very depths, you care so much. You ache for it.

Was I born to give away and not receive anything but the things I scrape together in my own mind?

Another Farewell.

2011-04-22T16:54:00.002+08:00

And this one is the worst.

Because you're so close to my heart.

Though I doubt that I'm close to you.

Haha sigh this kind of friendship hurts the most. And yet I would rather that it happened. If I could choose whether to let those 3 months repeat a thousand times, I would ask for it to happen, even if it meant getting hurt two thousand times. Tuesday will be a celebration of the memories all of us share.

Yup, stay strong. My bff, you too. The three of us, its as though you are the wall and we are the two blind people holding onto either side of the wall for support to walk, brought together by the wall. And now you're gone and the wall had burst into clouds of sparkly dust, so the two of us fall, fall towards the ground and towards each other, until we feel each other's out-stretched arms and we grab onto each other for support.

The two of us think in the same way, yet our personalities are different. Sad. Means that its hard for us to talk, even though I want badly to.

Oh please Lord, answer my faithful prayers.

Told ya' it'll rain.

2011-04-20T23:04:00.003+08:00

And it did. But not heavy, like usual.

Investiture was quite interesting with the video. We sat in front of Nadira and peeps. Last chance for Ethel to sing the school song but she only sang the first part. Haha Ethel Koh! At first she swayed to the music but I didn't dare to put my arm around her like we do in St Nicks'.

Mrs Tan wouldn't be in school this week. Sorry, but Maths was just horrible. Yeah. Not say a very good day. Felt like punching something. Oh I drew my divergence design on a post it and gave to Ethel, yayy. :)

After school, hung around canteen. Ethel and Val went around taking photos. Val, Eleanor and I talked to Eunice, took awesome pics. Haha so funny. Got to talk to Chermin! :)

CCA was dead. After that we played frisbee, Ethel was still in the stands talking to Shurui. Tried to throw to her once but as usual my straight throw curved and went totally off target. Ran, sprinted 200m then had to jog. Still felt frustrated so I sat and chilled until 7.20. Then Ethel came down and we lepaked. Then the little boy that a few of us were playing soccer with asked me to play with him, so I did. And Ethel joined in haha. Gosh the boy's going to grow up to become MJC's prize player.

Left school at 8, Ethel showed me the pics she took, and I was so absorbed I missed the bus. She left around 8.20, waited for the next bus which came at 8.30 but it just drove past without stopping. Frustrated. Finally took the third bus at 8.45.

See you soon, my ninja! :D

Xin Wang Cafe Part II!

2011-04-19T21:13:00.001+08:00

Gosh today was just nuts.

Morning I tried to keep my spirits up unconsciously, like I tend to do.

After a few periods, I just felt the need to be alone. But nowadays its hard. Anyway. Mrs Tan was absent so Mr Lye came in for PW, advised us to go library to see the PIs. The whole class went except Val, Manda, Eleanor, Xianzhi, Marshall, Darren and I. Told Ethel if she wanted to go then its fine. Haha during recess she told us she was at the canteen talking to friends. :) After recess was Chinese, we were waiting for the previous class so I put my stuff on the lockers and went to sit by the pillar on the floor and looked out at the field. (We were on the first floor.) Scared Val, who came and talked to me. Went into class but teacher was late. Sat in between Ethel and Carrie. Felt so ARGH so I rested my head. Val motioned Ethel to check on me, said I was fine. Haha Ethel asked at least twice before saying that I was making her second last day boring. So I said, fine lah! sorry lah! Then I started crying to myself. Val said, eh stop blinking, I can see you blinking! eh stop smiling, I can see you! And with tears brimming I could only manage a, you! with a grin, before I had to go back. At least after that it got better. :)

You know how if you're sad for too much, after a while you will be overly happy? Emotion imbalance so that it'll balance.

Met Vismitha and the group during lunch, made me laugh over Val and Amanda comparing heights. Just watching Vis and Val laugh together makes me smile. And Ethel was talking to Farah, Carmen and Kistine (?), glad she was laughing and enjoying it. Hope Nadira gets better soon.... During Maths lecture my table almost dropped, but Ethel caught it right when it dropped. Like wow, ninja. Laughed with Yiling, Val, Weisong and Eleanor during Bio prac over old Chinese songs.

Amanda, Ethel, Valerie and I had dinner together today! While waiting for Ethel who went to the GO, the three of us sat at the steps before the Atrium singing hymns. So fun! We were just about to leave when I remembered to hand up the Chem pracs. Ran all the way, so sorry!

Amanda suggested to eat at Xin Wang again. Took bus 109, stood at the same place in the bus like that day, the part where the wheels are, just different positions. Reached there, just nice we sat at the same table so we sat at the same seats. :) Haha after ordering I realised I ordered the same dish. We talked about stuff, simply enjoying each other's company. Ethel said today was boring, only the part of talking to Farah and peeps was fun. Val's heart shattered manz. We took pics with Val's phone, set timer. Heehee I'm always cut off but its fine. So long as one of us remembers that I was there too. Took so many photos haha, then Ethel took for us. :) Val kept the receipt. :D

Haha on the train back Ethel asked me why I was so wu liao, msg her asking if she knew who I was. Hahaha so funny! XD

I have a new favourite song! I Find The Light In You by Joe Brooks! Such a nice song. :) And Five Days of Summer by him is nice too!

E.L.F. We'll be elves, kay? Fairytale endings, wishes come true, deep down inside we hope they still do.

and they do.

2011-04-18T22:08:00.002+08:00

Thank you for answering my prayer, Lord. :) Thank you so much. :)

Soon, soon. It always rains when someone's leaving.

Rained when we did farewell for Ms Theresa. Rained when Su laoshi said he's leaving. Rained when Ms Praba told us she was leaving. Rained on our last day of lessons as Sec 4, that friday. It's going to rain. Either Wed, Thurs or Tues. Maybe Sat.

Easter coming soon.

I wish, I wish, I wish.

Run 350

2011-04-17T14:09:00.002+08:00

Woah I must be mad, never gone for a run before and already go for 10km. Haha but we ran less than half the way, ran quite fast though. :) Run, brisk walk, run, brisk walk. Ran the first K to catch up, then walked the 2nd K but my calves were hurting when I walked so I had to slow jog haha. But after a while was okay. :) We took around 1h 26, not bad for a first-timer! :)

Let's play frisbee on Thursday! :D Can't wait can't wait can't wait! :D

Friends -heart-

2011-04-16T12:45:00.002+08:00

Last 5 days haven't been nice. But really, thank God for friends. Thank you soooooo much, Lord.

Ethel is my da jie, my advisor, my encourager.

Valerie is my bff, my companion, my listener.

Amanda is my er jie, the one who pushes us along.

And Eleanor is the one who keeps all our spirits up.

Manz I love our class, 11S301. Nerds and smart peeps who play. The S11 and S101 classes are nerds and smart peeps who study. 25 people make up one 11S301!

Had PE yesterday, ran 400m intervals with one min of rest in between. Eunice, Bernice and Ethel are the runners of our class. Though currently Ethel's got a very bad cough and Amanda and Eleanor have flu. Only reason why I'm still healthy is because of all the physical exercise I get. Hope they recover soon, especially Ethel.

Right before PW started they told me to keep Ethel out for a while, like bring her to the toilet or something. Total failure. I walked out and tried to drag Ethel saying to follow me to the toilet. Haven't even say anything and Ethel resisted. So we ended up waiting at the railing, Ethel talked to Nadira while I talked to Viss (?).

Went swimming yesterday with ODAC, wasn't so sure I could still swim after not swimming since P5. So I joined the Cui team to try and swim one lap, then Shuqi and I moved to the big pool to join the rest. Not bad, can still swim, wasn't tired until I hit my 8th lap and it was because of leg cramps and sore arms. Shuqi and I only needed to swim 10 laps, but I wanted to get out of the Cui team so I swam 12. Still had stamina to keep going. :) But no time haha. Lumyi, Jeannette, Xiuyun and Simin still can't swim well so they didn't have to swim laps.

Going to get out of the Cui team for cycling during Expose, shall get out of the Cui team for running once I get used to running on concrete. :)

Keep all of us safe, Lord, keep all of us safe and well.

2011-04-11T22:03:00.002+08:00

Rawr okay frankly getting a little sick of ODAC. Still trying to fit in properly and snugly. My mind is tired from continuously pushing myself to run. Not that my muscles cannot take it. I'm just. Tired. And I don't want to swimmmmm! D: Or go for National Vertical Marathon.... How will I survive the 10k run? Guess I'm just not good enough for ODAC.

Tired of work, of the lecture halls. Tired of Econs, of not getting anything in Math lectures. Tired of always trying to make conversation so I wouldn't feel left out. Like before. Tired of trying to make the best of the time we have left.

Sometimes, you just want to sit there, hug a soft toy and stone.

And stone.

All the while the world is grinding you away.

Letters

2011-04-09T16:05:00.004+08:00

I like hugs. Hugs are nice. Haha just that most think that they're awkward. So sad. Spread the love!

Need to find time to reply Val's letter. Shall cross stitch on the bus and mrt. :) Jiayou with yours, Val! :D

Ethel and I had a slight misunderstanding the other day, thank God so very much that it was resolved within the hour, if you could call it a misunderstanding. So sorry, Ethel, so so so sorry. Wanted to say to say the next day but didn't dare. And it was in SMS, which makes it worse since text is emotionless and you can't see the person's face. The good thing is that you have time to react, so you wouldn't say things you will regret saying a minute later. Of course, you must really mean what you say in a text message, otherwise it's just plain hypocrisy and zero integrity.

But letters, letters are a whole different thing. Letters are more intimate, more meaningful, more feeling and emotion. Letters are thoughts you write out with your own hand, not words you spell out and send using technology. Even if you can't phrase what you want to say, the other person can feel what you mean. I know I'm not good with words, so I take time to make sure that what I say in a letter comes from my heart. Haha that's why I usually take at least an hour to write one letter.

Do I regret writing that letter to Rasey? I don't know, even though that letter wounded her and in turn wounded me. As in I was hurt, knowing that I caused her hurt. But after that, she got stronger and I was more open-minded. So was it a good thing? I don't know.

But I do know that we don't have time left. We don't. And our wishes are smashed to the ground, by time. Open up while we still can, eh.

Today

2011-04-07T01:25:00.003+08:00

Today, I mean yesterday, was officially Slack Day! :D

Okay fine not very good. Haha.

Had House Rally in the morning, then breakfast! Then lessons. Felt like I was going to sleep during lessons so I brought along a bottle of milk tea, Ethel's method on Tues. It works! Though the milk tea isn't very nice and makes your mouth feel dry. It worked. :)

Yayy finally I've done my maths tutorial before lessons! For once! Not all questions, just more than what Mrs Tan went through. I can't let Ms Rockey or Mrs Tan down.

Monday and Tuesday I stayed back with Valerie to do work! Monday was completing Chemistry tutorial, Tuesday was Maths. Now need to think about PI topic 2, do Econs mindmap on demand and supply, start on Chem tutorial. That's all for know. :) There's more but shall not say. Oh on Mon Val gave me a letter! So happy!!!!! :D Need to find time to write. :S Ethel got hers today, I mean yesterday, she was soooo happy. :D

Oh today SR soccer girls vs SA soccer, as well as MJC girls vs IJC. SR came at close to 2, decked in blue and red, I ran from the canteen to the drop-off point to see Chermin!!!! :D My jie! Miss her manz. Walked with them down to the track, we didn't talk much but it was just so nice to see her. :D She said that my school's really nice, I agree! Hahaha.

Borrowed Val's watch for ODAC. She and Ethel tried to trick me, but I knew from the start so. :) Haha Ethel was wearing Val's watch along with her own and hiding it behind her back. So obvious! Then Ethel said she was two-timing Val. After one whole minute exactly, Val said, "So you're saying I'm with you?" Wols Val! Hahaha and she blushed, so cute! Hugged Ethel yesterday, got to wish at 11.11, could talk to Val and Ethel today.

Therefore, it was a good day. :D

Thank you, God. :)

2011-04-03T20:18:00.001+08:00

the walls were down and the door was closed. felt so lost.

now, the door's opening. :)

No Time Left.

2011-04-02T22:44:00.002+08:00

tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock

yet i can't do anything about it, can't do anything about us.

can only relinquish the amount of time we have just being there. that's all i can do. to just be there.

helpless.

Why do things always have to be so complicated.

For ODAC in Friday, we learned how to build the Leap of Faith! It's super tall, over 2 storeys high and reaching up to the 3rd. It's quite a stable structure, even though it doesn't have pegs and the tripod lashing only goes 6~ rounds. Which is pretty scary. At least the knots are super duper tight, incomparable to Gateway in Guides. Got slight rope burn and 3 popped blisters. Yeah manz I take pride in my knots and lashings, its the only thing I dare say I'm good at, albeit a bit slower.

At the end of the day, Yong Chen encouraged us to join Exco. Nay I'm not going to run, because I know I shouldn't and I know I wouldn't make it. It would only be a repeat in history. Besides, I play a better supporting role, I now know. But I do share in Shuqi's fears, that people whose heart doesn't truly belong in ODAC join Exco. I've seen it in Guides and I don't like it. It wouldn't just make ODAC look bad, it makes that person a bigger hypocrite than he already is. Problem is that some of these people have potential to be leaders. Which only makes it worse for themselves actually.

you know, friend, i'm really grateful for thursday's pw. really. i know that to you it was nothing, but to me it was a lot. i mean nothing to you, but you mean a lot to me. all three of you mean so much, so much, to me. God bless you with everything you've given to me.

2011-03-29T19:01:00.002+08:00

Yesterday after PE Valerie and Amanda finally succeeded in standing up together! :D

Eunice and Julia drew moustaches on the side of their index fingers so when you rubbed your nose you could see it. Haha then Ethel went and drew the moustaches on both fingers, plus an eye on the palm side of each index finger and a tear drop on the back side of an index finger. Haha we kept dozing off during lectures and Ethel would say with her 2 eyes, "I'm awake." And she would use an eye and the tear drop to sing, "He's the reason for the tear drops on my guitar~"

Today on the bus the same Meridian girl sat beside me, and I offered her a sweet. And we started talking :D I think I remember her name but I can't spell it heh. Yay a new friend. :) She said she was wondering how to wake me up so she purposely rubbed her shoe bag against my leg. Haha thanks! (:

Today

2011-03-26T20:55:00.005+08:00

Okay, today was totally awesome. Shall write the little details, so that this memory can stay this way forever.

Amanda, Valerie and I went to Ethel's place today. :D Ethel calls my sling bag the bullet hole bag because of its shoulder strap haha. While waiting for the bus Valerie peeled my flaking skin (from sun burn), which was weird but she said she always did that. The bus finally came, reached the bus stop and started playing the guessing game. When we reached her house we went down to the living room then headed up to her room. Played Zingo with Elizabeth then we went down to explore the house. We slacked in the living room, listening to Elisabeth play the violin. You can hear it echoing up to the ceiling. :D Ethel told her that her bow wasn't tight enough and to try again. I was so.... wow. Then Valerie asked her to play her favourite song on the piano and being a kid she happily did so. Haha then Elizabeth pushed Ethel to play the piano and Ethel got really irritated, then we begged Ethel, which did the trick. xD Woah it was...... fantastic. Even though she kept saying that she hadn't practiced for so long and had forgotten most of each of the songs, it was totally fantastic. She played the whole of Wedding Dress too! :D Woah. Rich and talented family manz. Then we were entertained by Elizabeth's and Ethel's jokes haha. So Koh and Even-More Koh. Average ratings of 20 dots. Can't remember what I said, then Ethel said, "Another Rebecca moment." Like, fine lor. ): Hahaha quite amazed that I can make Ethel laugh. :D

Went back up, chatted for a while then Amanda and Valerie slept together on Ethel's bed. Haha Amanda said it was too bright so we turned off the lights. After lying down she got up again and pointed at the door to the balcony. Quickly, Ethel drew the curtains. There wasn't enough blanket to cover Valerie so Amanda just opened the whole blanket. Haha Amanda is so 客气, so amusing. Valerie and Amanda slept side by side, then Val got up and turned such that her head was at Amanda's feet and used the elephant as a pillow. Ethel sat on her OL chair and plucked on her guitar while I hugged her soft brown bear and listened to the beautiful music, sitting on her sister's bed. Her sister's bed is hard, so nice! :D Ethel said that I'll feel bored but I replied never mind. And the music was just melodious. I just zoned out and simply felt quiet. Silence. She played some songs I didn't know, then she showed me a score which lit my face up. Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton. Love it. :D Ethel said her playing was horrible and that once she improved she'll let me record it. Set ah, Ethel, set! ;) Asked her if she had foolscap (accidentally waking Valerie in the process) and she helped me get it from the other room. (: Wrote a letter to Amanda while the beloved twins slept. At almost 1 we went for lunch.

Had Nasi Kampong Goreng, Val had Mee Rebus , Amanda had Fried Chicken set and Ethel had some fried dumpling noodles. We didn't really talk much, Amanda was so quiet and in a bad mood. Then we went back around 230. We chatted for a short while, then Valerie did iPBL and Amanda did Econs. I continued on the letter so Ethel listened to music and read a book on English Language since she's never taken Lit. Finished her letter, got another foolscap from Ethel (thanks! (:)and started on Val's. The cow I drew on Amanda's letter has too small a head but Ethel says its not that deformed. (: After Val finished with iPBL, we went out to the balcony and slacked. Can't really remember what we talked about except the one on plucking each other's skin hair. So weird. Valerie wanted to pluck Ethel's but she rolled away real neatly, saying that she's a ninja. xD Oh and Val asked me if the brown bear (she was hugging it) smelled like Ethel. Ethel said, "I have a smell?" and Amanda said, "Yeah Ethel has a smell." And I immediately leaned over to smell Ethel's shoulder. Hahaha. Told them about Yihui missing Sherylynn's shampoo smell more than Sherrylynn and Ethel said that if she were there, she would have said her WTF. Amanda's mood was much better now. (:

Went back in and we chatted, facebooked, listened to songs and whatnot. Valerie and Amanda plaited Ethel's ponytail, and Ethel looked so lady-like and cute! :D Haha then after that Valerie piggy-backed Amanda and Ethel piggy-backed Amanda since Valerie didn't dare to be carried. And the two of them sat on the floor back to back with their arms linked and tried to stand up together. It was so hilarious, Ethel and I were dying of laughter. xD After that the three of us tried to get Ethel to let down her hair by asking her to go shower for dinner, then we said that if Ethel let down her hair I would too. But we had to leave already so Ethel walked us to the bus stop.

While waiting, we caught two planes! 24 planes now! Valerie has 60 planes now, Ethel has around 7, don't know about Amanda. We agreed that next year after As, we'll take SIA to visit Ethel. :D When the bus came we got on and Ethel waved goodbye with a smile.

I'm no Superman

I hope you like me as I am

Dinner!

2011-03-24T22:25:00.002+08:00

On Tues Val and Manda had dinner together and Val asked me along. Us foursome were on the MRT traveling from Pasir Ris to Tampines, which is quite a long ride. We were chatting away until we reached Tampines, when Amanda suddenly exclaimed loudly, "OH ITS TAMPINES!" Ethel went, "What the freak." EPIC xD

Oh yeah I got her WTF when we received our Bio Cells lecture notes. I stared at the notes, looked up and smiled widely, "Ohhhhhhh cellsssssss! :D" Ethel immediately went, "What the freak." xD Haha oh Val hasn't received any WTFs yet haha, jiayou! :D

Today Ethel, Val and I had dinner together at Tampines food court. After eating, we had a chatting session. Gosh we laughed so much! :D Hahaha Val said, "Rebecca's going to explode already, never bring her cell wall." xD Then Ethel and I arm wrestled! Gosh Ethel's strong. :O We had a tie, 2nd round on Mon haha. On the train home it felt like we had skipped Simei. Val said to Ethel, "Time flies when I'm with you." (:

Claimed my free hug from Val today right after Chrystal. C=

Love my sisters. Smaller than three. See you tomorrow (:

Gratitude

2011-03-23T01:23:00.003+08:00

Every time you smile, I'll smile.

Every time you shine, I'll shine for you.

I thank thee.

And I'm no emo, you potassium hydroxide! Just being with the three of you makes me happy. How can I be glum when I'm with you?

Make everyday a good day. Color my world with love.

Thank you, God, for just now, now, and for later.

2011-03-21T17:25:00.003+08:00

It's done. (: Though not very well done, though it was all messy. But I think I tried my best.

Really thank the lady for the prayer. Words come from God, pass through our hearts, and go back to Him.

School's open and I'm happy. (:

2011-03-19T03:26:00.001+08:00

Maybe I should cut myself off.

One less person who will hurt you with beautiful memories.

And seriously Rebecca, what have you been doing?

Nothing. At all.

Angels

2011-03-16T23:42:00.002+08:00

Oh manz I miss my foursome. :( I want school to reopen!

I want to hug er jie and try carrying da jie and xiao mei! Hahaha I don't dare to call them that in real life. Okay maybe xiao mei I will. :) I need to write her a letter..... I owe her one, even if its unspoken.

I love my friends so much. They are my family, the family I choose. I'm trying to start on a new project, and I'm running out of time. This would be my fourth and most complicated. One for Ms Praba, one for Vanessa, next one for Ms Rockey. One more. All specially chosen, for special people who mean so much to me, even if I don't mean a thing to them. They're my Angels. Here for a moment and gone in a flash. I'll hardly see them again.

I'll stay up tonight to start on it then. I mean every stitch on it. They carry my thoughts.

To my FFLs, promise never to forget me. Please. I love you.

ODAC X-BLAZE @ PULAU UBIN

2011-03-14T18:59:00.003+08:00

X-Blaze was AWESOME. How awesome? FREAKING AWESOME.

LOL hahaha. But yeah it was really great, camping in the forest, a 15 mins solo night walk, walking a grand total of 20 km, sleeping alone in barshas (emergency shelters), eating half-cooked food, huddling together like emo kids in our flooded tents and coming home with sun-burnt faces.

My Little Pony

JC1s: Chen Hao, Simin, Xiuyun, Indah, me, Xianzhi (didn't go for camp)

JC2s: Grace (GL), Junhui (AGL), Sean, Xitheng, Zhisheng

DOTA, Daylight Orienteering on Day 2 was really fun. Our group walked really fast, with Simin Chen Hao Xiuyun in front and Indah and I just behind. Haha Grace and Junhui were always lagging and had to run to catch up. Junhui said during our end-of-camp debrief that for every 4 steps we took, they took 3 steps. It was non-stop walking from around 830 to 1300, but we came in first so we finished at 1130. Along the way we sang the school song and other songs, said house cheers and group cheers and practiced for campfire. During the debrief Ben came over and he had cycled past us once and said that we were really enthu and were walking very fast. :)

Night 1 was so nice, we had our solo night walk. The seniors creeped us out beforehand by telling us stories while waiting for it to get dark. I was the 5th to leave, Dawn was before me and Kaifeng behind. Chen Hao was the first and it was still bright when he left. The first seniors stationed along the road played music and tried to follow me. Jeffrey and friend set up an illuminated red scream mask which made me jump a little upon getting a clearer look. I think someone was in the forest stepping on branches.

At the end, the seniors led us to a tree and left us to pitch our barsha. There were lots of people in my area, Joanna was next to me. Her groundsheet was tiny so Joel a J2 helped her pitch a two-tree barsha. But we were so near, I didn't have space to peg one corner so my barsha was a curve. There were quite a few tiny trees bordering my barsha so I said sorry to each of them beforehand in case I unknowingly broke them. We weren't supposed to talk but we did anyway and I helped Zhi Hao, who was in one corner to himself, pitch his barsha. It was around 25 degrees in temperature, and we were lucky since last year it was sweltering. Haha I was super comfortable and only woke up twice, at 0240 and 0500. We were woken up at 0510 by the seniors using whistles. Oh yeah I carried my Guides whistle, Amanda too. :)

Night 2 was campfire. The night sky was BEAUTIFUL. Not a cloud in the sky, no light pollution. The half moon was so bright and you could see the orion belt very clearly. The stars were so brilliant that you couldn't tell which was the north star at all! I totally don't mind going Pulau Ubin just for the stars.

When we were setting off from Muammar Beach for the jetty, I was struggling to arrange my poncho over my backpack. Then this girl's voice said, "Come I help you." I said, "Thank you! :)" A few seconds later, the voice said, "Oh my gosh so sorry! I'll buy you a new poncho!" I said, "Huh what happened?" I recognised her voice just as the kind soul said, "Haha I too short already...." Oh Xitheng haha. :D Xitheng stood beside me and said she'll buy me a new poncho and asked for my size. I kept refusing until she said, "No I MUST buy for you. I'll just get M size kay."

On Sunday, we walked 8km from Changi Jetty back to school. Xingkai said that the bus broke down, like the past 8 years. Haha before that the seniors kept dropping hints like "Aww aircon bus!" "Yay we'll be taking the bus back!" But most of us kinda guessed. Chen Hao thought they were joking, that half way through a bus would come and pick us up. Actually I didn't know until Kaifeng told us while "waiting for the bus" but I was ready for anything so I wasn't surprised.

We walked for 2 hours 15 mins exactly, taking the long route. Last year they walked very slowly so they took the shorter route. While stopping once, Sean, Xitheng and Grace held hands in that order like a happy family. They looked soooo cute! :D Since Xitheng is small with a cute face and Sean and Grace are both tall. Hahaha can't get over how cute Grace and Xitheng look when they talk to each other. xD

Shall not say everything, it would be too long. Too many events.

I love Pulau Ubin.

Angels

2011-03-07T23:17:00.003+08:00

Sigh don't know why I was so depressed today. I mean, I kinda know but it's not fully tangible.

But what she said was right I guess. Haha amazing how she reads my mind. They can tell how I feel too, when I may simply look tired or stressed. Angels. My da jie, er jie and xiao mei. :) Love you guys so much.

Thanks to them I felt much better gradually. Da jie drew a rose and showed it to me during maths lecture. Not for me, but I was touched. T.T (Bother I shouldn't have written touched, should have written beautiful T.T) Xiao mei tried to get me to share when I had closed up and wrote me a post-it, which really made me smile. For once, I didn't feel alone.

Jealousy is a sin. Sometimes I just want to become invisible, or I feel invisible. I'm hiding back, drawing back within my walls again. It's safer.

Really miss Purity so much. Where no one is forgotten. We made sure of that.

ROAD RACE 2011

2011-03-05T16:36:00.003+08:00

Had Road Race at Pasir Ris Park today, ran in the competitive leg! :D

Now, 3.3 km is the longest distance I've ever ran without stopping. My new accomplishment. :D

Bumped into Amanda, May and Ethel as I exited the MRT, only May and Amanda saw me. I told Amanda to go first as we went down the steps and Ethel was surprised to see me. :) Got a bottle of water then ran a little to catch up. Gosh muscle ache from Mon and Wed was still not gone.

Reached a little behind 7.15, took attendance behind the stage tent. Those running competitive from our class were Eleanor, Valerie, Amanda, Eunice, Bernice, Yeeling, me, Darren, Weisong and Arun. Ethel was supposed to replace Priscilla but they didn't allow replacements. :( After our briefing we stood behind the stage and kind of joined the others for Phobos cheer and warm-up.

At 8.15, we assembled again and moved to the starting line. The girls would start running around 2 mins after the guys, who ran 4.3 km. I ran with Valerie and Amanda. We took around 17~18 mins, quite good considering that they took 19 mins to run 3.1 during PE. Really tried to maintain our pace but after a while your strides just get smaller and smaller haha. Oh Simin and Lumyi from ODAC ran too! Oh Mr Nah ran past us. :) And Ms Sophia Koh ran too! :D She was behind us so we didn't see her. We met Arun when we turned into the last stretch, he looked so comfortable haha. The guys' turning point was further than the girls' btw, so we ran along the same basic course.

While waiting for Phobos to finish their run, the three of us chatted with Mr Feroz. Ethel was the first to come and find us, then May and the rest. We fooled around taking photos with Eleanor and Amanda's cam. Hahaha some of Ethel and Eunice's pics are epic!

Then was award ceremony. Louis came in 12th position for the girls! Amazing. Shirley was 35th, Eunice 60th, Bernice 61st, me Amanda and Val were 164~166. ODAC came in first for clubs and societies guys. And...... PHOBOS CAME IN FIRST! Last year too! :DDDD We went mad clapping and cheering and hi-fiving each other. :D To end off, we linked arms and sang the school song. And the 'O' cheer!

Oh, happy day!

2011-03-02T23:21:00.002+08:00

2 months. Just 2 months more.

Why do you have to leave?

Everyone's leaving. Now you're leaving too.

I love you, my friend.

Yet both of us are forming walls to block it.

Sigh.

Wai.