Another Friend Leaving

After ODAC on Friday and dinner at T1's Aston's, I went to T2 to send Jiayu off. I was early so I wasn't really expecting her to reach on time. So I was just walking along the side of gate 3 and I hear a very familiar, "Rebecca!"

Turning around, I met a Jiayu dressed in pink and long pants with her mum and dad. They were just about to join the short queue to check in their baggage. I smiled and waved and greeted her parents. As they were starting to walk towards the counter, Jiayu was telling her parents in Chinese that I was her primary school friend. Her mum came to me and thanked me for coming all the way to the airport to send Jiayu off, it must be very out-of the-way for me. Nay, it's not, I said. My mind was quite blank from having to instinctively answer in Chinese. But it came out sounding right, thank goodness. Somehow, I felt like I had no place there. 2 years of not seeing each other and we pretend that we're still so close. But to me it was all real, feelings and memories from a time past. A kind of quiet sadness.

After checking in, Jiayu's friends who were also from China came so I told her to talk to them first. So I just stood in a corner waiting for Xinhoon. After all, at that point in time they were the ones that she wanted to see the most, not me. Her parents went to sit at a bench further off. her dad saw me standing separately from Jiayu so he came over and told me that Jiayu is over there, why don't I go over? I didn't know how to answer. Thank goodness Xinhoon came, Chaoqun too. Another girl from China and went to St Nicks, she came too. But they didn't see me haha. So I tried to tell her dad that Chaoqun and that girl were from KCP and Xinhoon was from Frnech class. I wasn't very clear, unfortunately. After that I excused myself and went over. Xinhoon thought I had left, so she gave her the scarf first. Sigh. Never mind, I sort of saw her reaction from far. The scarf is from the 3 of us. Didn't really say much to her, just a "Mmm, take care" when we hugged. Didn't know what to feel. I wanted to cry but I couldn't.

Chaoqun, Xinhoon and I just stood in a corner and I listened to them chat about class. The RI crowd grew quickly, and I realised I was outnumbered. Told Jiayu on Monday that I didn't go visit KCP along with the rest during the New Year because everyone was in RI and Hwachong and I didn't want to be compared. Jiayu said, never mind. But it does matter. Everyone at the airport was Rafflesians or HCians, all 2 pointers. The only 9 pointer standing in a corner. Anyway. Her dad came over and stood next to me and we started to chat. I commented that it must be worrying for him and he said something that I didn't really understand so I didn't really reply.

Jiayu came over for a short while and left again. And her friend took a video of what we each wanted to say to Jiayu, but I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say that to me, she's my first best friend, but I was too shy. Chaoqun told her not to study too much (otherwise her eyes will get even smaller). Sigh. So sorry. After a while, we went to Jiayu to tell her we were leaving. She was talking to her dad. We hugged and Chaoqun pretended to reach out to hug her. Jiayu said, "Really? In front of my dad?" Her dad was giving the weird look, the on-guard look. Chaoqun laughed, "No lah I was just pretending. Haha." Then we talked to her dad because his friend's son is in Hwachong. Xinhoon tried to tell him that his son was the Head Prefect, a big shot who was a good leader. Literally, big cannon. Haha. I told Chaoqun that I wasn't sure her dad understood so he tried to explain. Haha it was quite interesting. Then we left. Really really couldn't bear to leave. I wanted to watch her walk into the departure hall, see her pass through security.

Wonder if she knows how I feel. Sadness, regret, guilt, gladness, a bit of hurt. Sad that she's leaving, left, that she'll be all alone there. She didn't expect so many people to be there, but she doesn't know what a wonderful friend she is. She was always the one who took care of me in P5 and P6, she was the one from whom I learned how to watch what I say, how to act in front of others, to be mature. In our class, the most mature ones were Chaoqun, Jiayu and me. Regret and guilt because even though we were so close, we never made effort to remain in contact. I had no idea how to, having never had friends who were really worth the effort. Yili, Xinhui, Jiaxin. Even Chaoqun. Jiayu, Jiayu's friendship is worth it. But I didn't know how to. Haha I used her name in my Chinese compo for years. But I'm glad that she's going to US, to pursue her dreams of studying there. She'll go far, that girl. I'm just afraid that she doesn't have confidence that she can go US based on her results. Hurt, because another true friend is leaving, leaving for a far off country. Maybe I'm afraid that I'll be alone at the end. I don't know.

But I'll be praying for them, for their dreams and hopes and faith.