Rantings

I really need to buy a diary, somewhere to pour out those thoughts that I want to hide from the world. But i guess for now, this will have to do.

Really don't feel ready for what is to come. Life, university, As, Prelims, even this study break. As though not studying can make Prelims come later. Well in a way it does, repeat J2. But still no difference. And my parents will flip. In the same way they did last year Jan.

And somehow, I felt so detached from myself on Sunday. For a moment, I felt like I was watching myself stand at the doors of the chapel from somewhere above, from outside myself. Like a Sims game haha. And I do always wonder what life would be if we all saw ourselves from the Sims camera view. Such an interesting thought haha. Anyways. Felt so tense, like I didn't want anyone to see what's inside. But it's a subconscious thing. Haha I'm so weird. But had a good nice catch-up with Pearlyn. :)

Sigh. Let go let go let go let go. Relax and let go.

And this new development of things. Frankly, I can't remember the things that I was ever angry at you for, or the event that drove you and our LaoDa apart. I only remember National Day, when Rasey and you were in conflict, and that event that drove you against Rachel. But frankly, I can't click well with Rachel either. She's too excited for me haha, always so happy on the outside that girl. But I can't deny that you dance well. ;)

I gotta find some courage in this town / Cos nobody's gonna save somebody who wouldn't change / It's time to be brave.

I wish I could be like an average person, just study when you're told to, then graduate and get a 9-5 office job, and live like clockwork. Instead of having this INTP personality. Instead of being fearful of suffering.

Need to focus on thanksgiving instead of supplication. Feel so detached from God.