My Thoughts Look Like Mr Messy
All jumbled like spaghetti.
1. Loads of school work.
Haven't figured out how to write an academic essay that is supposed to be persuasive and discursive instead of simply descriptive. A bunch of readings that contain most of the syllabus' content. And the ball of spaghetti isn't helping in my productivity, it slows though my train of thought. Took 2 hours just to read a chapter of Music of the Primes and I couldn't understand the last part because it was all math. :( I'm trying to plan my time but a low productivity throws it out of the window.
2. Uncertainty over whether I belong in Comm.
Just feel that.... I'm not spiritually mature nor mentally mature enough. And I don't know much. Nor do I have any God-given intuition for what is right or not. Yes, this is a journey, and yes, God equips the willing. But what if I'm just a dead-weight. What if there's a better substitute. I'm not up to par.
3. This whole mentorship thing.
We're still undecided whether we want to do this or not. She hasn't mentioned it since we first openly talked about it. Yes, there's no hurry, it's all in God's time. But I can't help being skeptical and anxious and slightly fearful. About letting someone into my life so openly and later realize that we don't click well.
4. Spiritual health.
What if what's stopping us from fully embracing God is our less-than-optimal relationship with our parents? If so, I don't think I have the guts to do face it. It's scary.
5. Self-consciousness.
I realized I haven't exactly been acting in a Christian manner in school, particularly in front of my old friends. Thinking whether your friends are judging you.... It's scary. And sometimes the more you try, the harder you fall. And yet we shouldn't be working for the approval of men but of God. First time that I'm so conscious of how people see me, so I've never had to deal with it before. :(
Just needed to let that out.
1. Loads of school work.
Haven't figured out how to write an academic essay that is supposed to be persuasive and discursive instead of simply descriptive. A bunch of readings that contain most of the syllabus' content. And the ball of spaghetti isn't helping in my productivity, it slows though my train of thought. Took 2 hours just to read a chapter of Music of the Primes and I couldn't understand the last part because it was all math. :( I'm trying to plan my time but a low productivity throws it out of the window.
2. Uncertainty over whether I belong in Comm.
Just feel that.... I'm not spiritually mature nor mentally mature enough. And I don't know much. Nor do I have any God-given intuition for what is right or not. Yes, this is a journey, and yes, God equips the willing. But what if I'm just a dead-weight. What if there's a better substitute. I'm not up to par.
3. This whole mentorship thing.
We're still undecided whether we want to do this or not. She hasn't mentioned it since we first openly talked about it. Yes, there's no hurry, it's all in God's time. But I can't help being skeptical and anxious and slightly fearful. About letting someone into my life so openly and later realize that we don't click well.
4. Spiritual health.
What if what's stopping us from fully embracing God is our less-than-optimal relationship with our parents? If so, I don't think I have the guts to do face it. It's scary.
5. Self-consciousness.
I realized I haven't exactly been acting in a Christian manner in school, particularly in front of my old friends. Thinking whether your friends are judging you.... It's scary. And sometimes the more you try, the harder you fall. And yet we shouldn't be working for the approval of men but of God. First time that I'm so conscious of how people see me, so I've never had to deal with it before. :(
Just needed to let that out.