Growth Chart: Struggling

I was going to save this post for lamenting and ranting, but I am instead coming here with a big Question Mark.

So... This week has been particularly intense. But a good kind of intense. Last week was hard on the heart; this week was hard on both the heart and mind.
A good part of last week was spent alone at home (not literally alone), just waiting for the next appointment to go out with friends, so that I wouldn't feel so lonely and empty. It was not rest at all. It was rather depressing. And when I'm left alone with only my heart and brain to talk to.... I tend to send my brain into overdrive and send my heart into a blue screen of despair. I could not wait for Monday to come.

Monday finally came. Made sure I was in the right state of mind before heading down. Had an intense conversation for 7 whole hours. Conclusion of the conversation? God loves me and I need to be willing to trust Him.
Tuesday. Selena and I had an impromptu idea to ask Agnes about the function of worship in a ministry. Mama sheep treated us to lunch at her favorite place and she and Sel had a good time eating kimchi. After lunch, we hid in a corner of her office (quite literally), she with a book on worship and I myself with a book on the Holy Spirit transforming temperaments. It was what we both needed. Mind you, Mama sheep was the one who suggested I read from those personality books.
Thursday. Sel, Ben and I spent the morning at SKS. I went there earlier to look for books for myself. Lo and behold, just flipping through a few of them did well to touch my heart, for my heart was thirsty and engaged in battle with my brain. Soon after Ben came, we found a book suitable for the camp comm. So we started searching for more stuff. I need to find a book on loving and bonding the community, on the importance of community building. Thennnn. Met a friend for dinner, who has put me in a very very tight spot... Another intense conversation. But I accept this tight spot. As hard as it is.
Friday. Met the PSG for lunch! But Joel is sick and couldn't come -,- We're always missing someone and it's always either Pam or Joel. We had a mini discussion on how the Church needs to be A People and how Christians aren't engaging the society and how we need to live integrated lives. Then I met E and T for a (boring) talk and we had another intense conversation for almost 3 hours. My conclusion for the day? You're on the right path, just keep walking, and you're never alone. Oh and breaking walls can occur by snapping your fingers.

So... Overall conclusion? These two weeks were definitely not by chance. God is knocking harder and harder on my door. He pulled out my blue screen of despair on purpose so that I would begin my search. On Mon, the problem was revealed to a greater extent. Tues was providence to cheer me up from Mon. Thurs, I learned to submit. Fri was an assurance for this new path of struggles. It all works together in God's plan. And yes, it's a new season of struggling, with the last one started in Dec 2013. But Friday has left me with lots of question marks. New growth!! :)

God isn't hindered by your walls from reaching you.