Week 5 & 6

It's Week 6, and I have not attended a CG on Thurs. But I have attended Selah once, Arts Thurs once, and Science Tues once. Lol. Also, the number of night events I have has decreased, but still sleep deprived because of the bird surveys for Urban Eco. Deck days are also Huldah days, we've had some real convos these two weeks, albeit short ones. Also got to PSG with Sab during the nua time after FT this past Tues, she really ministered to me. Angels on earth.

But these two weeks have been emo nemo. Emo nemo.

Need to give myself a tight hard slap (like that would work *rolls eyes*) and wake up. Need to cut off flesh and be more serious about who God is in my life. Mini frustrations at myself. Much mass, very inertia. Such stupidity as well. Hopeless kid sia.

I need a reminder that being in SEnT is serving God and His people too, serving His church by equipping His church and engaging His people intellectually, challenging them to live lives that are more integrated with the faith we so proclaim.

Oh wow, so there's the reminder. Lol.

"It will be a struggle to give up your life. But the claims of the kingdom demand immediacy in obedience." FT 6

"You must be honest with yourself and just say that you are struggling with pride, with grief. You can't just say, I'll wait for this to pass. You have to just struggle through it, and find God as the only one you can lean on, otherwise God will never get through the defences of your heart."

Oh wow. (Different tone this time.) Sigh God. If my defences had physical, visible forms, I might have stabbed myself already. What are my defences?

Trusting my eyes more than Your Spirit.

If not for God's persistent pursuit out of His unfailing love, I am very much a doomed man.

Also need to examine if this buying of books on my toughest sins is stemming out of discipleship and grace or legalism. Either way, I dare not say.